Interview for an Arranged Marriage

Do you smoke? – no

Do you do drugs? – no

Do you go out to party? – no

Are you a virgin? – yes

Do you wear sensible clothes?- yes

Are you a saver or spender? – saver

Do you know how to make roti? – yes

Can you care for the parents? – yes

Do you want children? – yes

Do you want to work outside the home? – yes

Do you know how to do all the house hold chores? – yes

Do you know how to make all Indian food as well as western? – yes

Sounds good, when can we get married???

Wait a minute!  What about all the questions I had for this arrangement?

Do you drink? – yes

Do you do drugs – yes

Are you a virgin? – no

Do you know how to cook?- no

What do you earn? – none of your business yet, you will be provided for

Are you good with money? Do you save money? – don’t worry about it.

Will you look after my parents and family? – not my job, that’s their son’s job

Do you know how to do any housework? – not my job, womens work

Will you take me out with you? – if I do then who spends time with my parents?

Will you help with the kids? – if I do so, what will you do?

No I don’t want this arranged marriage!  He isn’t what I’m looking for!

Beta, this is a marriage, full of compromises, happens to all of us.  You won’t find a better family than that, don’t be so picky!  He probably has so many rishtas come, consider yourself lucky!  Your not some maharani where he must be perfect!

Just like that my wedding date has been fixed 

The lies and deception begin


Dilemma, Read and leave your thoughts

Hi Everyone!  I’m at crossroads with myself on what to do next.  I need your help in what direction should I be headed in.  When I started this blog, I wanted to write about what had happened to me as therapy and maybe the ones who abused me would read it one day and understand what they did to me.  And for the ones going through it, provide a solace for them that it will be okay.  In my years I have been through WAAAAYY to many hurdles, hence I could literally write a book.  All those experiences have made me very wise, non judgemental and I can relate to almost all experiences and provide advice.

At the moment, I do hide behind a keyboard as I’m still stuck in my situation.  Having said that, there are just a handful of people who know what I’m doing and who I am.  Most are very encouraging and a couple are indifferent and one said why do you want to repeat the ugliness.  This got me thinking, why do I keep reliving it through writing?

A while ago I discovered Abraham Hicks, who repeatedly emphasises about only talking about good things and leaving the past behind if it wasn’t a good thing.   This is law of attraction.  What you feel and talk about is what you will attract – good and bad.  I do believe in the laws of attraction as I DO get what I ask for.   Things do work out for me.  I listen to her almost everyday to get my self in the right frame of mind to make sure I have a great day and it works most days!!!

Question is, do I tell my story that may help empower other women and/or provide them with comfort or as Abraham Hicks says, only talk about the positive things going on and the good things coming my way.  Your thoughts will be very much appreciated!  I will then decide what to write about, the past and all the truth with no filter or just the positive things in life.

Abraham (if your reading this by chance), is talking about your past in a positive way detrimental to my future, am I attracting more negativity?



A chance encounter

Why was my temperature rising?  I knew exactly why but didn’t want anyone to see what was happening.  To gather myself I walked around the room coyly, smiling at all the guests while making small talk.  As I turned round the corner, he was there again!  Was he following me or was I subconsciously following him or were we both looking for each other amongst this well dressed crowd? 

Instinctively I ran my hands over my hips and thighs feeling the black sateen and thinking of sateen bed sheets, why was I so flustered at the sight of him, this stranger?  The long slit up to my thighs was enough to get my own curiosity going, was it having an effect on the handsome stranger as well???  Having made eye contact with him, although brief, I smiled to myself and kept walking.   I stopped at a table to make conversation with an acquaintance to distract myself from him.  I was having trouble concentrating on what we were talking about and then I saw him walk directly behind me, just enough distance for me feel his presence and smell him.  Oh fuck!  He smelled amazing; I didn’t want to make it obvious that I was interested so I laughed and touched the other man’s arm.  After a few minutes of boring talk my eyes started looking for him.  Again walking the crowd trying to maintain my classy and sophisticated way while trying to tame the animal inside me trying to come out. 


I made my way to the washroom.  Looking in the mirror I saw my Audrey Hepburn hairstyle making my neck intensely inviting, paired perfectly with the diamond earrings.  My caramel skin looking dewy and luscious in the light.  I touched up my red lipstick although it clearly didn’t need any touching up and added another spritz of my perfume.  Standing back I look at myself in the mirror.  The black sateen dress fitting me perfectly in all the right spots.   Red high heels with lips and underwear to match, white gloves to my elbows just to finish off the look.  I felt liberated.  I felt sexy, I felt like a million bucks!  Standing there I thought about the man outside who I was playing hide and seek with using only our eyes, not a single word had been spoken but his intensity was making me hot and bothered.  My whole body was lighting up at the thought of him.  My panties were getting wet and my nipples were hard, this was all without a touch!  I knew I wanted him, but did he want me too?

Soon as I cooled myself off I made my way to the bathroom exit, swinging the door open I inhaled that smell.  It was him, he was close by.  Or was someone else wearing the same scent, my question was answered when I felt someone strong grab my arm.  Good thing I knew how to run in heels!  I was able to keep my balance!  It was him; he grabbed me and led me into an empty room.  Where was I?  Didn’t matter.  What mattered was that I was pushed up against a wall by this man who I had never seen before today but was lusting for.  Without saying a word his hands starting moving all over my body.  Like a hungry animal he attacked my naked neck and my shoulders, I inhaled his smell.  His scent was making me wetter, as if he could sense this; he pulled my dress up to my waist and without hesitation plunged in my hotspot.  His fingers felt like heaven inside me I found myself rocking against his hand.  My hands trying to feel his naked skin, failing to unbutton his white shirt.  Frustration was at its highest peak. Using all the concentration I had, I unbuttoned his shirt and took a look at him.  Holy fuck he was beautiful!  He was golden; just enough hair to show he was man, enough definition to show he wasn’t laying around on a couch all day and the taste of his body left me speechless and horny as fuck.  As he was fingering me to my delight he stopped mid-way.    He dropped to his knees, without saying a word; he slid down my red lace panties leaving it around one of my ankle.  All the while his mouth was already exploring my cave and tasting my juices.  This beautiful man was insanely pleasing!  As he took my leg and put it over his shoulder I dropped back into the wall and let him please me using his mouth.  I touched my breasts, rolled my nipples in my sweaty hands and wanted to kiss him but didn’t want to stop him from kissing my pussy.  Oh the pleasure I felt was leaving me breathless!   I could feel myself coming, I had forgotten to be shy about being in his mouth and let myself go.  The intense ripples that left my body were equalivant to a volcano erupting.  

Still not a word had been spoken, was this for real?  Was I actually being pleased by this man whose name I didn’t even know???  He began kissing the inside of my thighs and slowly made his way up to my breasts.  He looked straight into my eyes and began to lick and suck both of my breasts, one in each hand.  I grabbed his face and brought it up to mine and kissed him as deeply as I could tasting me on him.  The perfect mix of our bodies intensified my lust.  I felt his hard throbbing dick with my hands.  HOLY SHIT he had so much to offer!  I continued to play with him and stroking him with enthusiasm.  Wrapping my leg around him, I hugged him closely while kissing him madly.   I’ve always come across classy and sophisticated in public but in the inside, only I knew I was this ravenous lover.  A secret that he now had discovered by accident.

He broke from my kiss and attacked my breasts again with his mouth and moaned as it was the best meal he had ever had.  I enjoyed listening to him, so much so I was dripping wet again.  I naturally started rocking my body against his.  Without notice he grabbed both my legs and hoisted me on top of him with such grace and power.  I let out a little sigh when he thrust into me with so much intensity, I was breathless.  I was having the ride of my life, he fucked me up against the wall and all I could do was enjoy what he was doing to me.  I held on tight to his shoulders and neck quietly moaning while he heaved me up and down on his dick.  He too was quietly moaning and groaning quietly, after all anyone could walk in to see what was going on if they heard noise.  He kept fucking me until his breathing changed, I knew from experience, he was about to come.  I too was about to come again.  He thrust hard and deep and then released himself inside me.

I released my grip on his neck completely exhausted from the pleasure.  The wall caught me again, while I enjoyed the aftermath from sexual pleasure.  He kissed me again deep and sensual. 

He finally spoke!  His voice, so sensual and manly.  He told me how beautiful and enticing I was.  If he hadn’t had me he would have looked for me wherever he went.  Women like me don’t come around often, all the class, sophistication, beauty with the mystery he said.  Hope we meet again and that was it.

I felt amazing.  The way this man had devoured me in any way he could in a very short time.  I was on cloud nine.  My love hole throbbed with happiness as I watched him dress himself again.  I fixed myself as best I could.  Was my hair still intact? Lipstick gone for sure but that’s okay.  Would anyone in that packed room of people notice?  Before I made my way to the ladies room, now dressed, simultaneously we both went in for one last kiss.  It was amazing!  I tried to take in as much of him as I possibly could before releasing him.  I thanked him and walked out with a sway in my hips, with my head held high and a smirk on my face.

I got into the bathroom and started to make myself presentable again.  Applying my lipstick, I smiled at myself, so this is what it feels like to have mad crazy sex with and incredible strange man.  I was flushed from the sex that I had just had, I loved the glow.  That was an experience I will think about for a very long time.  I fixed my dress, readjusted my underwear, pulled my gloves up to my elbows and smoothed out my hair.  Looking 100% I made my way out the door and stopped.  What was his name?



July 23, 2018

Why are the nicest people punished the most by society and their loved ones?

Why does caring for another person cause so much pain when you genuinely care for them?

Why does it hurt so much when others intentionally hurt you when all you had for them was love?

Why are good hearts met with black thoughts from others?

Why are they so happy when your hurting so much?

How do they live with themselves so happily after they cause you so much grief?

Who gave them the right to be so destructive in another persons world?

Where do these people come from who have no heart or soul?



Just in case people are wondering the same thing that I am, where has the #me too movement brought us to present day since its strong begining?  I am curiously wondering after all these high profile cases of women and children and even some men being abused raped and mistreated has gotten the ones who still remain voiceless.

I want to know who is speaking up for the countless women and children still suffering at the hands of their abusers, they may have gained some strength and a glimpse of hope for a minute from the outpouring of others coming out and talking about their own personal horrors.

I want to know where the real support and results of what are being done to the ordinary people and voiceless children who are still being victimized endlessly.  when the average woman after gaining some confidence to maybe speak up and about their abuser or getting enough support for them to leave their situation.

after reading many articles about children and woman being raped killed througout the world still makes me sick to my stomach everytime i read them,  whether it be in India where that culture is accepted or our so called first world country where i know of many woman who cannot ride the bus or even walk down the street without being harrassed endlessly.  And these are woman who i think are strong indivduals still biting their lip for the fear of their safety.  What are happening to the everyday woman who has to go back home to their abuser and dealing with the non stop abuse whether it be physical or mental because they have been conditioned to believe their at fault or that they deserve the abuse the receive?

Venyas Keeper


I’m Sorry

I haven’t posted in awhile, so sorry!  Just been busy and gathering my thoughts and sorting out this journey called life.   Thanks for your patience, I promise be back soon in full swing.

With so much love for you all,


Sex Toys for all?

I usually blog about life as me, Venya, but today I’m going to blog about sex.  There are so many stories daily about women, children and few men that are being raped, sexually abused or molested.  I am compelled to give my opinion to the world, you may not care but I’m putting it out there.  I feel I have a solution.

By nature I’m a very sexual person, and I’m not shy to talk about the taboo subject.  Being an Indian girl from a “decent” family I was told not to talk about such things. Today as an adult woman, living my own life I talk and discuss sex freely with like minded individuals.

This brings me to my topic today, sexual abuse/frustration.  Not mine but others.  I will also use India for my examples as it’s my home country.  Most of the articles I come across and read are usually women/children being sexually abused in India.  Some of the victims are as young as 18 months and others are married to the perpetrator.  I have racked my brain as to why sex is so forbidden in India and cannot come to a real conclusion.  Sex is a human need and desire which translates into a beautiful thing when it’s consensual.  I do know that people are very sexually frustrated there and in turn don’t know what to do with themselves so they abuse others sexually.

After talking to some people from India I have come to these conclusions:

  • Everyone is doing it
  • Some are doing it with family members
  • Some are doing it with animals
  • Some are doing it forcefully
  • Some are doing it consensually
  • Some love it
  • Some hate it
  • Some don’t care for it but feel obliged to engage in it to prove their love
  • Most are hiding they are doing it, even the married couples
  • Plenty of people enjoy doing it but won’t speak about it openly
  • Even the ones doing it are pointing the finger at others for engaging in such acts
  • You are punished severely if anyone finds out your doing it before marriage

Of course, people are doing it!  Otherwise the population wouldn’t be so high!  A billion people didn’t fall from the sky!

What bothers me are why are so many people sexually frustrated (that turns abusive) if the country is clearly populated so well?  I think, because no one is allowed to really talk openly about it.

I have a solution, and I would like to hear everyone’s thoughts on this.

Why doesn’t India (or any other country) give out free sex toys as part of a mental and physical health initiative?  I’m not talking oils, feathers and rings.  I’m talk about a vibrator for women and an artificial vagina for the men.  When the urge comes on (and it does, we are mammals)  we should be able to bring out our toy and please ourselves.  This way no man will never be without hopefully less frustrated = less forced sex.  And the women can please them selves as they wish without being labelled or blackmailed for being a human with needs.

Think about it, if a man who is really needing sex can resort to pleasuring himself with an artificial vagina wouldn’t that save some poor child/women’s body/dignity/self esteem?



I truly feel a system like this will bring down the monstrous behaviour that men are showing towards females/males of all ages.  There is no reason an 18 month baby girl should be raped.  If that man had that handy vagina, he could have had his release in a less destructive way.  If an artificial vagina can save lives, give the men 2 or 3 of them!

Just like birth control should be available and free, vibrators and artificial vaginas should be made readily available at no cost.  It should be available through a Dr.

This may sound insane but I think I’m onto something here.  What do you think?



Sex with my brother in law?

The woman known as my mother in law was relentless in emotionally abusing me! Did she honestly think that I was sleeping with my father in law??? Was she that crazy or evil?  Needless to say, the household became very uncomfortable.  Dad avoided me like the plague after those gross accusations and I was always finding ways to prove that I was innocent.  I tried to make nice with my mother in law more than ever, and also kept my distant from dad, her husband.  My husband was too busy with his girlfriend to notice what was going on so I was all alone. I had no one, no family, no friends, no husband – I had nothing.  I didn’t tell Raj about the accusations because I believed there was no point, he didn’t care enough to even be around the house for my sake to begin with.

My only friend was Sunny, Raj’s younger brother. He became my confidante, my go to guy, my just for laughs man.  Dad would give us money and tell us to go eat something, grab coffee or ice cream.  He told me what was going on his world and got much needed advice!  I helped him pick clothing, gave him money so he could take his girlfriend out on dates, helped with his career goals and everything else a sister does for a younger brother.  I would cook his vegetarian meals for him separately as he preferred North American food to Indian food.  I did his laundry (I did everyone’s), helped him clean his room and tried to keep the guy organized.  We had an excellent relationship.

He would even give me information on his brother’s girlfriend! I came to know much about her through Sunny and his friends.  They all would tell me stories of her clothing, habits and  her personality was.  They would do a comparison between me and her, I would always be the one they pick!  They made me feel like Raj is the one who was blind and was losing out on a good woman.  Sunny was great to hang out with and was good for my heart.

The only thing I didn’t like about his was that he was so lazy! He would sleep into the afternoon and then not do much of anything.  To date, the guy has never had a job!  He is a father of 3 with no job and no desire for one either.  Presently he is living off the bank of dad! Back to earlier years, he was lazy then and he is still lazy now.  Some days I would jump up and down on him to wake him up.  Other days I would rip the comforter off him.  I was always harassing him to get out of bed so we could go and do something.


While I was being playful with my brother in law my mother in law was secretly making up all these theories about our relationship. One of the days I was sitting on Sunny trying to wake him, my mother in law came screaming inside at me.  She started accusing me of first sleeping with her husband and now I was sleeping her son!  I couldn’t believe my ears, did she just accuse me of sleeping with another person who wasn’t my husband???  Yes she did!

 “Are there any men in our family that you will leave alone or are you going to steal all of them?  You took my husband, you married my eldest and now you’re stealing my youngest! Aren’t you ashamed of sleeping with your husband’s younger brother??? He is just a kid, you should know better! (Sunny and I are the same age)  Girls like you should be on the street somewhere selling their bodies not married in to respectful homes to ruin the men!”  Did she just suggest prostitution as a career?  Yes she did! 

She went on and on as I continually interrupted her trying to defend myself. She wasn’t interested in listening to what I had to say.  Sunny just pulled the comforter over his head and hid.  He should have fought for me but he didn’t.  I cried, and cried and of course I didn’t tell a soul.  Why did she think I was such a whore?  Why did she think I was sleeping with all the men in their family?  My husband, her son, was the one committing adultery not me!  Can she not see that?  I couldn’t figure out what I was doing wrong as a 20 year girl.  This marriage, this house, these people were a living nightmare!!!

The next day, I found some alone time with Sunny and we talked about the allegations and his only response was, “She’s crazy, ignore her. She says stupid things all the time.  Who knows what she’s thinking.  We know we are just siblings so relax.   But in front of her let’s try not to talk too much.  She will mental on all of us.”  I agreed to not really talking in front of her or anyone anymore.  Another lie for me to start living….


Lies so far:

My husband loves me and is faithful to me – he has another woman whom he wanted to marry but didn’t because she wasn’t the right caste

Hubby would never lay a hand on my, I’m his wife – he hits me every time he feels like it, throw me around like a rag doll

I don’t care for my father in law – I care for him very much! He’s just like my dad, he’s everything a father in law should be!

I don’t speak or care about my brother in law – I love him! He is the baby brother I always wanted!  We have so much in common, he agrees with me on most things and cheers me up when I down because of his brother.

I was happy with this arranged marriage – there was nothing I liked about this marriage. I only had a husband when he needed me, my mother in law hated me, I was locked up inside and I had no one to talk to.

My mother in law treats me like her own child – she is verbally and emotionally abusive to me every chance she gets, she hates me and I don’t know why

Wasn’t sure what was to come next, at this point no one was really talking to me in the house. Sunny would talk to me secretly, mother in law when she needed something and dad avoided me.  Husband dearest was never around to talk to me.



21, unhappily married, all alone and nowhere to turn how was I going to live the rest of my life like this????


13 Reasons Why… I’m Happy!

What a brilliant idea by Virtual Vomit! I hope everyone reading feels the same excitement as I’m feeling!!!  Instead of being negative and depressed I would rather be happy and optimistic, it’s much easier to be happy.

I am very happy because I’m healthy, all my limbs are working.  I might have some tweaks and creaks but overall I’m healthy as a teenager.  Of course I would like to be in better shape and all that jazz, but I’m at peace with the body I have, finally!

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I’m happy I have had the opportunity to experience to be a mother.  It may not be fulfilling and magical ALL the time like in the magazines or on TV.  But it has made me a better, stronger, loving and more patient individual.  I’m incredibly grateful for the teachings I get from these little people.  The joy, frustration, anger, love they cause me is a roller coaster ride, but I wouldn’t change it for anything in the world!

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My beautiful friends cause me oodles of happiness!  My awesome group of friends is the best hand picked group of ladies in the entire universe.  They are way to loving, nurturing, no judgements, uplifting and so supportive that they bring tears to my eyes.  I am so blessed, despite all the shit I go through, I have these wonderful ladies in my corner.  Love each one of them wherever they may be in the world.

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I’m happy because I have music and dance around me.  My soul is fed through Indian music with a little bit of shaking it.  Whoever created Hindi music, THANK YOU.  It’s Indian music that gets me through the rough days, without it I think I would go crazy.

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I’m happy because when I look out the window, it’s beautiful.  The privilege of living in a peaceful place is humbling.  I’m not around poverty, slums or war at my doorsteps.  Opening the door and leaving the house without worries about being shot or hurt makes me happy and grateful.  I’m surrounded by natural beauty in my backyard why shouldn’t I be happy?!?!?

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My parents being in my life makes me happy.  Every child/parent relationship has it’s up and downs.  My parents are my safe place.  They let me be who I need to be, they let me get out my frustrations and still love me unconditionally.  Even as an adult, I need them today and will forever.

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I’m happy that I have had a built in best friend from the day that I have been born.  My sister, my rock..  I am happy we have an awesome relationship.  She and I are the same but different in so many ways.  We are the sun and the moon, nothing without the other.  A relationship that is positive and fulfilling, we can agree to disagree but still cuddle whether she likes it or not!

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My happiness is at its height during social time.  I thrive in parties, I love to network and talk to random strangers getting to know them.  Socializing is important to me, it’s a life line, a drug for me.  Like a dog needs to be walked, I need to be socialized.  This can be in the form of a dinner date with my friends/colleagues, a big fat Indian wedding with 1000 guests, a fundraiser or a quiet evening on the couch curled up with a loved one.  I love people!

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Money makes me happy.  I know it sounds shallow but let me explain before you judge.  Because I’ve had enough money to make me comfortable my entire life, I’ve been able to buy myself distractions when I’ve been low.  I have used money to get me through some nights when I’ve had no where to go.  When I have needed to eat because my kids and I were hungry, we used money. I’ve never been without anything, thank you universe!  I love money and money loves me.  I do realize money is a bandaid solution and it’s temporary happiness but I’ll take it!  It doesn’t fix problems but it certainly gives us freedom to live this life.

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Chocolate and cake are other sources of my happiness.  There is nothing like good chocolate to taste and a beautifully decorated cake to admire, both make me smile ear to ear.  I find cake decorating so beautiful and interesting.  I’m literally the creep who stares at cakes like a man staring at a hot woman!  I walk through the cake section every chance I get to appreciate the bakers hard work.

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I’m happy because I live in a country where I have freedoms as a woman.  I live in a country where my daughter can be herself and have opportunities that other girls may not have as easily.  I’m happy this place I call home is the land of opportunities without restrictions.  I know she and I can achieve whatever it is if we wants, it’s a real option.  The sky really is the limit.

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I’m happy when I see beautiful artwork and quotes.  My favourite artwork is usually of women.  I find art work of Iconic Women (Marilyn Monroe, Audrey Hepburn) absolutely priceless.   I also love folk artwork of Punjabi women, takes me back to my roots.  I love color accented artwork.  I am drawn to artwork of the female body and the beauty of it.  Quotes in beautiful art also bring me happiness.

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The biggest source of my happiness is …. *drum roll* is myself!  I was a little lost for a little over a decade, okay maybe a lot over a decade!  I have finally found myself again.  I have learned how to live and smile again.  Without fully loving myself I can’t love anything to its fullest capacity.  I am extremely happy that I have me again in my life.  I have brought myself hope, ambitions, strength, visions and a reason to make the most of whatever it is that I have.   Beautiful people around me gave me encouragement, but ultimately I had to be the one to start making the changes.  Those changes took way too many years but the changes came.  I AM MY OWN HERO, with the help of others!

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