As promised I will tell you a little about myself. I’m an average person with a not so average personality. Born to a set of “very” Indian parents, I have come through a lot of resistance and proud to say, prompted change along the way. The change would be not just for myself but for anyone who had any sort of influence in my life. For any Indian immigrant parents, I was the problem child who broke many barriers. I was full of hope, adventures, happiness and of course way to many questions. Both of them come from nice conservative families in rural India, their destinies brought them together to a completely different world. I guess since they had to make me, they had to be brought together somewhere in this world 🙂
My parents are very nice people who I would like to believe they did a fairly good job at raising me and they don’t even know it! They had an arranged marriage, which means they met each other AFTER they were married. I repeat, they saw and spoke to each other for the very first time AFTER they had been wed in holy matrimony. (Holy F*^& is what your thinking if your anything but Indian.) Yes, that means there was no where to run and this had to be the happily ever after no matter what! This marriage was brought together by both of my grandfathers. The story is my paternal grandfather (babaji) asked for my mothers hand in marriage from my maternal grandfather (nanaji) because she was young, beautiful and had already settled abroad with her family. I am going to assume that my babaji wanted to get rid of my father!!! However this arrangement came about, my young dad, packed his suitcase and left India with $7 dollars in his pocket to the land of the unknown. He had no relatives or friends to where he was headed, just the promise of a beautiful wife. I think the beautiful wife who can cook and clean was enough incentive for my dad to hop on that plane and become a married man just days after his arrival in another country. What it must of been to be young and adventurous!
My mother was promised a man who would work hard and look after her and her future children. A man that would put her needs first and treat her like the maharani (queen) she was. Now every child thinks their mom is the greatest but my mom really is the greatest. She was/is so beautiful with all the domestic qualities to create a loving home. My mom has a big heart and from when I can remember, she always put others needs before hers. From day 1, my dad has always been about the family. I would like to clarify, when I say family, I mean all 10,000 members of them! Indian families are huge, this is mainly due to large number of children to a couple who then go on to marry and have many children of their own and so on… In the end we end up with many cousins who we refer to as our brothers and sisters. Confusing yes, but we do understand later in life how important each one of these near and distant relatives are to us…I think? Anyway my mom has always made her husbands family her priority and at times putting her own family on the back burner to keep the peace.
My mother is a natural home making woman and my father provided her with the tools to build the home. Together they built themselves a nest for their little spawns to enter the world and to have a place called home. In many ways the two of them were perfect for each other and in so many other ways they were so wrong for each other! Someone once told me, ” your parents did the best they could do with whatever education and knowledge they had”. I have never forgotten that statement and realize how true that is. They had never had children before, lived in a foreign land, had never met each other or know what the others family is like yet, they gave it their best without much guidance or any experience.
The contrast between them is like this, my mom is more like a delicate flowers, dad is rough and tough (straight from the fields in India). Mom likes to go experience the world, Dad would like to hang with his buddies and have some drinks with food. Mom puts her needs aside to fulfill her duties as a mom, Dad expects mom to take over the duties when convenient. Mom rarely swears, Dad has a few choice words more frequently. Mom likes fashion and yes shiny things, Dad will wear the same clothes until they are torn and doesn’t see the need to buy anything new. Mom would like to go on dates with Dad, Dad likes to have dates at home with her because it’s cheaper. Mom is beautiful inside and on the outside and Dad is beautiful on the inside?!?!?! My mom has become my best friend and my dad is my go to guy for bigger life questions.
I can say today that I am extremely grateful for their arranged marriage. Their marriage brought me happiness in ways of a family, a home, major cooking!, and love from parents who wanted nothing but the best for their family. They also provided the stability that every kid needs in life to know they are safe.
In the next blog I’ll tell you more about who I am! Until next time…