I love men and….WOMEN!

I have to admit, I love men and I love women as well.  After reading this statement the first thing that comes to your mind it that I’m bisexual and just coming out 🙂 I love both sexes equally but differently. 

I have come across way to many women who are so hell bent on outdoing each other or just destroying one another to feel better about themselves.  Why are we doing this to each other?!?!?

Does it really matter what handbag/shoes/job/dishes/car/house/husband/kids you have in comparison to another woman? No, because we are living our own lives within our own circumstances. No one lives our lives for us, so why the intense competition?  When we compete with one another we lose sight of the common goal, our happiness and successes.  At times our families and friendships suffer because of these destructive behaviours .  The quote below says it perfectly, surround yourself with people who are good for you in every way.  When you’re with them, you should feel safe and secure without any doubt.

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How many times have you been in a situation where you just told a “friend” that you have bought a new outfit and it cost x amount of money.  The “friend” then responds by claiming to have bought something of the same but spend more money on it!  Why the competition of who spent more on it?!?!? 

How about the friend who has a counter story for every one of your stories that is more exciting and enticing but hadn’t brought it up until you told your story?  This could vacations/food/family/material things whatever!  They just feel the need to out do you.

You confide in a friend about a new project/adventure that you are starting, friends reaction is either next to none or angry about why are you doing this.  How about a good for you and I wish you the best and then please don’t try to sabotage your friend!  In fact, they may go and tell others about how “stupid” you are and wasting time.

How about the group of “friends” that gathers and spends hours talking about other mutual friends who may have gained weight, don’t wear their makeup right, marriage is falling apart, her hair cut doesn’t suit her, or did you see what she wore, crooked/overbite/under bite teeth?  Those are not friends.  Those are women who are missing something in their own life that they have to pick apart another woman to make themselves feel better/stronger.

Can’t ignore the mother in law who competes for her son against his wife.  To all the moms out there, YOU ARE YOUR SON’S FIRST LOVE!  Nothing and no one can change that but he will add more to his list of loves as he grows as an individual.  His wife/children have a important spot in his life as do you, enjoy your relationship with him and let others enjoy the man that YOU brought into this world.  You will always be his #1, without any sort of competition.

What about the group of women who sit around and analyze why another woman’s marriage didn’t work out.  They spend hours speculating about the whys instead of asking their female friend if she is okay or need anything.  They make things worse by coming up with their own conclusions and at times faulting her for the dissolve of the marriage.  I have been a part of many groups like that.  The difference is, I ask the group questions that are not the typical questions that are met with deranged faces.  Most of these questions shut down the conversation.  Some questions could be:

  • How do you know all this, did he/she tell you?
  • Were you in the bedroom with them?
  • Did you do the banking for them?
  • How do we actually know this is true?
  • Did you actually see them with the person they were having an affair with?
  • How do you know the guy did/didn’t hit her?
  • Have you ever lived in their house to really know and understand what it’s like to be in that situation?
  • You don’t have any problems in your marriage?  Would you like us to analyze yours when you can’t tell your side?
  • Why are we talking about her without her being here?

Another scenario I love is when friends take the time and effort to cook (or get take out) for her friends.  Some people will either complain about the cooking or why she got take out, she’s lazy, isn’t competent, dishes weren’t nice, house wasn’t clean, food wasn’t good etc.  How about you were important enough for her to include you in her life???  The food is just an added bonus.  WOMEN let’s be grateful for the other women in our lives!!!!

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What I would like to see is, when a fellow woman comes to you with some news/information (promotion/moving/car/leaving a marriage/pregnancy/new job etc.) that you may not like, just be happy for HER SAKE.  This may be insignificant to you but important to her.  Be supportive.

When a woman talks destructively about another woman, shut it down immediately.  For example, look at how big her forehead is, her nose doesn’t match her face, her hands are like a mans, size 10 feet!, she’s to fat, she’s too skinny, her eyes are to small, her skin is to light/dark/scarred.  Let’s not agree with these remarks but say, “does it matter what she looks like physically as long as the inside is beautiful.”  When we agree with this sort of nonsense it never stops, the ugliness continues.  Always remember, you could be the topic of choice some days and wouldn’t be fun!

In my life, especially after marriage, the root of many rumors/ideas about me have stemmed from women.  The rumors than have perpetuated due to lack of strong woman who are willing to shut down the nonsense without fear of repercussions.  They may not agree but didn’t have it in them to say, “that’s not true, or how can we be sure, I never saw that side to her, etc.”  Some women who had never met me agreed to what was being said without even having a conversation with me in their entire life!  How is this right???  But they took the words of their friend/acquaintance/family and unconditionally agreed to the garbage that was being said about me.   We are supposed to building each other up not tearing each other apart!!!

If you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all…  Unless we are paying each others bills, living out our lives for each other, taking the hits, taking the abuse, going to work in their place, taking them under our wing in our homes, be kind, it costs nothing.

I love men because they are men. I love women because they are the ones I rely on so heavily emotionally as well as to have my back even if we don’t know each other.

Try for a month not to say anything negative or demeening to another woman, tell me how you feel after.  Try encouraging them, letting them know you believe in them and give them the support they need.  Let them FEEL that you are there for them.

-Venya ♥

 

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