How are you today? Fine, we answer. We do it all the time, 1 billion times a day! Every time we start a conversation with a new person the drill is always the same. How are you today? Fine. Then blah blah blah and no one actually cares how your doing but just going through the “normal” motions.
I myself am not having a fine day but, I must’ve answered with this lie (fine) at least a dozen times today. I say fine and throw in a smile and they are ready for the next leg of the conversation.
When someone asks how we are, why are we expected to lie with the one word answer, fine? When are we actually expected to tell the truth, NEVER. I think it would be helpful and maybe somewhat therapeutic if we can just be honest. I think it would be interesting as well as an eye opening experiment. I think I’m pretty good at masking my own feelings but I think I’ve become very good at reading others. When a person says fine, and they are not but just said they are, look into their eyes. Their eyes will tell you if they are fine or not. I often look for this sign when I have my doubts about how they actually are other than fine. There’s a saying out there that says a smiling face can distract sad eyes which is what the heart is feeling. I believe this is very true. Only the very intuitive can actually look into one’s eyes and see that the person is not so fine.
I’m going to pretend that you asked how I’m doing.
You: Venya how are you doing today?
Me: Fine. Um actually you know what I’m not fine. If you can handle the truth this is kinda how I feel. I feel broken, lost, alone, sad, mad, on the verge of a breakdown, empty, rejected, pathetic, angry, lonely. I actually feel like nothing is going right in my life today and I may fall apart. I feel like all the time and effort I put into certain areas of my life should be more rewarding. I feel like no matter how hard I try it just gets harder. I feel like no matter what I let things slide, things they just pile up again. No I’m not fine! I feel like I am the worst person in the world who can’t get anything right in her life. No I’m not fine. I feel like I’m completely useless to everyone in my life. I don’t want to go through anymore hardships, I’ve had enough to last me a life time!!! Please someone, give me a break!! NO I’m not fine. There I said it. I’m having a shitty day and I’m smiling but I’m not fine. I am pretending to be happy so you won’t ask me any hard questions that I may not want to answer. No I’m not fine but I’m managing to fool almost everyone I know.
Next time someone asks you how your doing, will you be completely honest? Or will fine be a good enough answer?
The only thing I’m fine with is, this too shall pass. This day will be over soon and I have another chance at tomorrow. I will have the opportunity to make the choice to be happy or let things get to me again.