Curse of Kindness

Why is it when we do anything good without an agenda, people are always trying to figure out why we did what we did and the hidden meaning behind it?  There have been too many examples of this in my life. 

The first example I would like to talk about is a particular friend (once a colleague).  We have been friends for almost 10 years now!  She was the new girl in the office and I was had self appointed myself to be the welcome wagon.  I took her under my wing, as I do with most new people, and slowly we became friends.  A few years later she made a confession to me sitting in my living room.  We had been talking about being good people and she brought up our first 6 months of friendship.  Apparently she had been cautious with me and had tried not to get to involved with me because she wasn’t sure where the kindness was coming from.  Her words were, ” Can someone actually be that nice without wanting something back?”  She was very weary that I had a hidden agenda and that I would use her or let her down in some way.  That day never came that I would let her down. 

I asked her in depth of why she was so skeptical of me.  And she answered something like this, people aren’t usually nice unless they need something.  Why in the world would you be kind just to be kind and nothing more than that?  She couldn’t understand for a long time why I was the way I was.  In her previous friendships, I believe, things must have been extremely superficial.  After some time she finally understood there was nothing that I was expecting back from her except a solid friendship with no strings attached.   This conclusion came after spending hours, days, weeks and months with me.   Not only did I win her heart but I stole her families heart as well, her dad became my buddy!  I often think about this, being nice = something in return?  Not for me!

So there was a pregnant lady at my coffee shop, we spoke everyday and she had this radiant smile and was always so happy.  I wanted to buy her something for her baby and then later changed my mind to buying something just for her.  I figured her unborn child will get plenty of gifts but often mothers are left out.  I decided to get her a small but beautiful mirror to put in her purse.  Along with the gift I wrote a small note about how beautiful she is and to keep smiling.  On her off days the mirror will help her see how I and the world view her, beautiful.  Well I think I creeped her out!!! Next time I went in she wouldn’t even make eye contact!!! I thought I had done something nice for her but she was rattled by my gesture.  So I asked her after my 3rd visit if she liked the gift or not.  She responded to it was beautiful but why would you buy anything for me?  I responded with why not?  You greet me everyday like I’m your favourite customer and I wanted to let you know that your smile is noticed and appreciated by me.  She also said no one does nice things for people anymore.  My response, I’m not just anybody.  I smiled and walked away.

This past weekend I bought a beautiful orchid for a dear aunt of mine.  At the checkout the cashiers were gushing over the beauty of it.  Both ladies told me that no one had ever bought them anything like that.  My first instinct was to turn around and buy them both a plant each.  My heart was saying turn around and surprise them both with plants.  After a quick consultation with my head I decided not to.  I wish I had listened to my heart, but my head was saying it may not be well received by them as it may appear creepy.  It is still bothering me that I didn’t make the move solely because they may think there was some underlying agenda behind the orchids.  Between you and me, my only motive was that they would look at it and be like wow the plant is beautiful.  

Some days when I visit a friend of mine, I take a bottle of alcohol or sweets for his dad (an elderly gentleman).  When I leave, he often asks his son why I am doing nice things for him.  Other family members have also inquired why I do nice things for the family.  Is it a crime to do nice things for people with no agenda???  I have always gone out of my way to make others happy and love it when they smile, especially children and seniors.  I truly want to make others feel special in my presence.   I want to share with the entire world the happiness in my heart I feel for them.  I want every single person in my life to feel valued by me.  Am I asking for to much???

“Nothing hurts a good soul and the kind heart more than to live amongst people whom can’t understand it”

Throughout my life I have been told by numerous people, not to do good for others because they won’t do anything back for you.  My response, its okay, I’m not looking for anything back.  Even as a young teenager, I would buy all sorts of treats for my friends, cousins and neighbors kids just to share the wealth.  My parents used to lecture me (they still do) to stop wasting money on others, no one will do anything for me.  My response, it’s okay, they are kids.   My parents still try to control what I do for others in their round about ways.  My latest response to my mother was, ” Mom, I don’t spend money on drugs alcohol or sex, please be happy that I am spending to make others happy you should be proud of me!”  I think for the first time in my life my mom actually got it!  If I ever thought about what’s in it for me, I would have never been able to do anything for anyone!  I don’t regret any time or money that I have may spent on a person because I do everything for myself and my peace of mind as my contribution to this world. 

There is a person in my life who has been an obstacle course in my life.  She has treated me very badly in every way possible, (you will learn about her slowly).  You know what?  I’m STILL nice to her, why because it’s not in me to teach her a lesson or to ignore her or fight back.  For me it’s not worth it because it will make an already strained relationship to a complete battle field.  I don’t want that nor do I want my children around that kind of ugliness. 

Why is kindness so rare these days?  Why is it when anyone does anything nice for anyone it’s mocked or second guessed or the detective in everyone comes out as to why the act of kindness occurred?  Everyone keeps saying they do kind things but if that was true why do we point the finger at them likes it a bad thing?  How come people can’t accept someone did something nice for another human being for no particular reason.  Why are kind hearted people tortured by others emotionally because of their hearts???  It makes no sense to me.  If I feel like doing something nice for another I shouldn’t have to map out all the bad things that can come out of my act of kindness/gratitude. 

Last week a complete stranger bought me a coffee, should I be wondering why he did it?  I’m going to go with, he was just kind.  He was spreading the kindness in his own way with no hidden agenda.

When did this world become so judgemental of others or is it me that lives in la la land?  Why can I see the rainbows and butterflies (most days) and smell the roses when I come across them.  How come I can see the silver lining in almost every situation and others can almost never see anything good in the situation.  Why is it that I don’t take the opinion of another for another until I have made my own mind up?  Has this world been taken over by cynics? 

In my life I have managed to surround myself with awesome people who have good hearts.  I try to keep out all the people who bring me and my circle negativity.  My  friends are of the same mind set and we do have this discussion about “being to kind” and the hardships is brings our hearts and minds.  We talk about this “illness of kindness” we have and how it sometimes unnerves us.  Why do we get taken advantage of when we don’t take advantage of others?  How come others come to have expectations of us when we have none from them?  Why do we always have to stay humble and not stir the pot?   We do things for others that we don’t want to do willingly, to keep the peace.  When people need help or a listening ear, why are we the first ones they think of?

I guess there is one answer that I can come up with, we are just wired differently.

Random acts of kindness occur everyday all over the world.  When you recieve one, don’t question it, just pay it forward.   Too many are people holding back on being kind, just do it!  It’s all around us, recognize it and embrace it.

At the end of the day,  I’m at peace (most times, I’m not a saint…) because my intentions are good, my heart is as pure as I can get it to be.  I know I’m not malicious just misunderstood at times.  


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