How many times have we all heard, “Never judge a book by it’s cover!” Way to many times to count. So why haven’t we stopped our judgements of anything that can be judged? I have finally reached a part in my life where I can honestly say that 90% of the time, I’m non-judgemental. There is still that 10% that is struggling to catch up to the rest of me. In my Indian life, all I’ve heard are judgments fom women about other women. Most were untrue but very hurtful judgements.
What brings me to my post today is my son’s recent experience at work. I pick him up after his shift and we engage in our usual chit chat. During our debriefing he tells me a story of a customer. Kinda goes like this:
Son: So this idiot came in today and he ordered food, 2 of the same item, paid and then never took his food. What an idiot! Why would you not pick up the food you paid for? He ordered 2 of it so he must’ve been hungry.
Me: Why is he an idiot? Because he didn’t grab the food he paid for? That gives you the right to call a man, that you don’t know, an idiot? How do you know his wife hasn’t recently passed away and that was her favourite meal and he just wanted to go back to those feelings and remember her. How do you he isn’t trying to get over her. How do you know he couldn’t stomach the meal even though he paid for it because it was just to emotional.
Son: I never thought of that.
Me: Lets not be so judgmental of people and their actions. We don’t know why people do or say things unless we have taken the time to get to know them or get answers to our curiosities about them. We shouldn’t be judging others when there are so many different answers to our questions that we have NO IDEA about.
Son: Okay you win, your right
Me: It’s not about winning its about opening up heart and mind to what your eyes may not be able to see. Stop making up stories and calling people unnecessary names without knowing them
I think I got my point across to him. 🙂
I have never understood why people are so quick to judge others based on superficial things. I make a point of challenging people on their judgments about others. Another example of a recent conversation.
Me: Look at that kid, she’s so cute!
Friend: OMG your right, she is so cute! Look at her eyes and smile!
Me: Kids are so precious at that age!
Friend: But look at her mom’s outfit, what is with that, did she not look in the mirror? Those pants look horrible.
Me: The way she’s dressed has nothing to do with the kid. We were talking about how cute her kid was. I don’t like to talk about people I don’t know in a negative manner.
Friend: Yeah but look at her, at least she should dress properly.
Me: Everyone has their own style, she may not like ours. Enough talking about her.
Friend: Why you so crabby?
Me: Not crabby, just don’t want to be so negative and judgemental.
Why is when a woman is dressed well she is one of the following: snobby, high maintenance, a slut, a bitch, looking for promotion, she’ll sleep with anyone, all she cares about is herself or looking for attention?
Why is it when she is career oriented she is bad mom, selfish, doesn’t understand her role, making her partner look bad, high on herself, cut throat?
Why is it when a woman doesn’t go out every weekend is controlled by her partner, doesn’t know how to live life, gonna die unhappy, has no friends, or doesn’t have the money to do so?
Why is when a woman leaves her marriage she stole money, had a boyfriend, didn’t want responsibilities, was not a good wife, was never home anyway, never participated in the family, or was never good enough for the family?
Why is it if I woman is friendly with men she is no good, a slut, trying to steal someone’s man, loose morals, has no integrity?
Why is it if a woman is kind she has an agenda, she is manipulating, she is secretly going to destroy someone, pretending to be someone she is not, or must be up to something?
Why is it if a woman stands up for her rights, she’s been brainwashed, is going to ruin her family, is going to runaway, is a bitch, or is destructive for her own daughter, has loose morals, doesn’t know what’s good for her?
Why is she so happy all the time? She must lead a perfect life, her partner must be fantastic, her kids must be perfect, her in laws treat like gold, she does as she pleases, her job is great, she thinks she’s better than everyone, she has no responsibilities or worries.
We are living in society where judgements are passed to easily on others while we haven’t taken the time to know the person or circumstances. Instead of being critical and closed minded we should take the time to understand one another and it would become a beautiful place. We never know what is really going on until we have invested the time into getting to know the answers.
Be open minded, if you want to know, ask, don’t make up stories.
The time we invest into judging others we should be taking that time to make ourselves better individuals. There is so much out there to learn, experiences to be had, love waiting to be found, loved ones waiting for your attention. When others start to judge others, stop them politely. See other sides of the story, get a different perspective, show a different perspective we can turn this into a better world.
I will leave you with a few things to think about:
Actively stop others from judging, politely.
Why are you saying anything about a person you haven’t taken the time to get to know.
Why are you teaching the young ones it’s okay to be judgemental.
Do you really know the situation that you are talking about?
Do you really know the person you are talking about and the real facts attached to that person and the story?
Think before you speak, would you like the same to be said about you by a person who hasn’t taken the time to know you? Be kind.
Share some of your judgements that you have made and regretted later in life.
She’s too skinny, she’s too fat
She spends too much, she is too cheap
She doesn’t cook enough, her food isn’t good
Her kids are not good, she doesn’t even have kids
She doesn’t wear enough makeup, she wears to much makeup
Her clothes are too tight, her clothes are too loose
Her nails are never done, her nails are always done
She walks to fast, she walks to slow
She is never on time, why is she early
She is not married, her in laws don’t like her
She didn’t go to school, her education has made her arrogant
Let’s all stop this nonsense!