Fair or Dark Skinned?

Skin tone… the debate that has been going on for centuries in many parts of the world, especially the Asian countries.  My home country of India is notorious for it, Fair and Lovely cream anyone?  I’m so sick and tired of females being judged on their skin color.  I don’t know how many times I have defended beautiful dark skinned women and have pointed out that the fair skinned girls aren’t necessarily pretty, just light skinned. 

I am a medium toned person, not to burnt and not  too raw, cooked just right!  That is my opinion, of course.  Now if you ask my in laws what they think, my mother in law would make a look of disgust and say too Kaali (black)!  Apparently her son (my partner) is white as fresh milk, does she mean curdled like fresh milk???  For many years of my life my parents and family encouraged me to stay out of the sun otherwise I would “get to dark”  My siblings are light skinned,  and I’m the milk chocolate out of the litter.  The irony is my light skinned sister suntans, LOL!  Take that mom and dad!


Many times I have asked the following questions that I have yet to receive answers to.  Here is a list of them:

Does having lighter skin make you smarter, kinder, wiser, better at having a career/kids/home?

Does light skin equal success, family values, good morals and ethics?

Because she is light skinned, does she not make mistakes, manipulate people, tell lies, gossip or belittle others?

Are dark skinned women born manipulative, mean, liars, unsuccessful, unworthy of a handsome man and unable to bear great kids???

Being dark skinned means you have the inability to cook mouth watering foods?  Or clothing won’t look good on your body? Or jewellery will not be complimentary to the person?  They don’t have a chance in life????

Should we just kill all dark skinned female babies at birth because they are no good and for sure, will amount to nothing???  Too dark, let’s try again???  Shame on you to all the women who pass judgements on dark skinned female babies!

When a new daughter, bride, friend is introduced to the family, the first thing to come out of the other women’s mouth is:  OMG she is so dark! (look of disgust and disappointment, the mourning begins) or OMG she is so light skinned (look of happiness and pride).  Why is it that the skin color matters so fucking much?!??!  It blows my mind why people are stuck on light skinned people as the only beautiful kind of people!  Just because they are lighter skinned doesn’t make them better than anyone else.  There are so many dark skinned people that are models and are very successful in their lives.  The light skinned aren’t the only ones who have got it all. 

Here is a real life example.  I have a cousin who is VERY fair skinned.  I am medium toned.  When we get together people go on about how beautiful she is due to her light skin and I’m beautiful too just too dark, like it’s a sin!  When you dissect our facial features we don’t compare, I win hands down!  (Yes I paid myself a compliment 🙂 ) I have good strong feature and hers are not so great.  I’d rather not go into detail about her, I know the differences,  I’m not blinded by the gleaming white skin! I will share with you that I have the perfect Indian nose (thank you creator!), big eyes to match and defined cheekbones.  This is all missed because I’m darker that her.  FYI, her features are the exact opposite of me.

Here’s the real kicker.  I get many compliments that I am okay looking despite my skin color.  I have a daughter who is IDENTICAL to me in looks but is a few shades darker than me.  Heck, in the summer her skin goes from dark brown to black!!!  But women often say to me, too bad she is not as pretty as you.  I have continually defended her battled our family on this issue for her sake.  How the fuck does that make sense??? She is identical to me, just darker!  Does that make her less of anything??? UM, NO!  What hurts me the most is, they say this bullshit stuff in front of her and she has questioned me many times if she is too dark???  She’s just a kid!  Let her be a kid instead of saying stupid shit to and in front of her that makes her doubt her self worth.  As she grows up she will have plenty of  “issues”, let’s not create them for her at home too.

A couple of times she has cried and said why does dadi (grandma) and her friends say I’m too dark?  Why do people talk about me and my cousin about who is “whiter”.  Mom I want to look like you.  Sad part is, she does look like me but the world is making her feel ugly and unworthy based on her skin tone.  These feelings of ugliness have started in her own home, how sad is that???  If people think I’m okay on the eyes than so is she, she is my mini me, a carbon copy.  I wish her and I, or any other girl didn’t have to hear the unnecessary comparison of skin tones.  We both may be dark, but we are good people.  Maybe lighter skinned people aren’t as kind or generous as us. 

Life is hard enough and there are too many real hurdles in life that need attention.  Why are we wasting precious time on things we have zero control over???  Bollywood glorifies light skinned women and I hate it!  They sell the image of light skinned women equating to success.  We buy into this bullshit!  Let’s stop this ugliness that is way beyond anyone’s control.

How about we focus on how to better ourselves as a society, educating all girls, overcome poverty.  Let’s feed the hungry, put that energy into our young girls to be athletic.  Help them learn how to cook or encourage them pursue their dream of becoming a professional.   Tell them to chase their dreams, teach them right from wrong.  Show them kindness and humbleness.  Be role models that little girls look up to and smile.

Most of all lets teach everyone to look beyond the skin color.  You don’t know a person until you have spent time with them, had conversations with them or laughed/cried with them.  Skin tone doesn’t make you a good or bad person, it means that is your color that your born with.  What determines your worth is your actions as a human being.  Make your mark in this world based on you as an individual not the color of your skin.


One is not more beautiful than the other.





3 thoughts on “Fair or Dark Skinned?

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