Why are there so many people in this world willingly to do absolutely nothing to help others when they full well know they are being wronged? How could my “family” let me to drown, while they are watching with their arms crossed against their chest? Why are my parents being so unreasonable? Why were some of my family members not “doing the right thing?” I thought adults were supposed to help us find ourselves and lead us down the right path? I’m still in bed thinking about what happened the day before. I don’t want to get out of bed, hopefully everyone has come to terms that I will not marry that asshole. Slowly I climb out of bed, check myself out in the mirror and I open the door.
The whole house is awake and milling around. I look around I see my parents and the rest of the family talking and drinking chai. I go to the bathroom, close the door behind me and make my way to the throne confused. Why are they so chipper, how come they look like nothing is wrong? I do my thing and out I walk into the living room. My dad is smiling at me and tells me that chai is made and to have some breakfast. I ignore, no response required for a father who is not willing to stand up for his innocent daughter. My mom follows me around the house, making small talk, I ignore her too, not talking to them. Everyone is acting like nothing happened yesterday! I walk around and go back to my room.
My mom comes in and the drama starts. “Your father and I have decided that you will be marrying him. Everyone makes mistakes, you have to forgive and move on. You will learn to love him. You met many boys to take as a husband and YOU picked him. He will treat you well, maybe the other girl is sabotaging his relationship with you out of anger. Anyway your engagement is in 2 days, we have lots to sort out. Come out and partake in the party prep, it’s your wedding.”
“Are you kidding me Mom?!!?!? After seeing what I saw I can’t marry that asshole! He is a lying cheating bastard and I want nothing to do with his family either who are just the same! It was not a mistake, he introduced us on purpose, maybe he is trying to get out of this marriage with me?!?! As for picking him, I met him once before I had to make my decision!!! The others I met, were for an hour at time, that hardly means I picked him!!! I picked the best I could from the surface and after having some stupid conversations with these idiots, I thought I was making the right choice! I will not marry him, so forget about the engagement!”
I had met others and I had chosen him out of them all. Some men had rejected me for many reasons. I chosen the one I did because he didn’t care about the typical concerns. He seemed more liberal yet conservative. I felt he would have given me the freedom that I needed to be who I was yet living in an extended family. Here are some points:
I wasn’t a virgin (not wife material!) It was okay with him, everyone has a past and he didn’t want to know anything about it.
I like to go out(she spends and can’t be a homemaker) He enjoyed experiences too
I had been in clubs (bad girl! will never mesh with family life) He didn’t mind going out, he did too.
I wanted to go to school (to much education equals to many opinions) He believed girls should be educated and was supportive of that (his parents weren’t)
My body wasn’t right(I’m not a skinny person but I’m not fat, I’m voluptuous!) As long as I didn’t get any bigger I was “okay”
I was too dark (she will produce dark babies, no good for the family!) He was light skinned, babies should be in the middle
I talked to much (will ask too many questions we won’t want to answer) He didn’t talk much, needed someone to socialize on his behalf
I’m screaming at mom as loud as I can, I want the whole house to hear me. My dad comes in and says in a very kind voice. “Stop screaming, you will be marrying him so get ready for the engagement party. Go help your cousins prep the presents we’re bringing to the party. Don’t be so difficult, I have spoken and there will be no more discussion.”
Slamming my door I fall on my bed, what am I going to do??? I actually can’t run away, I’m too young and I’ve never been away from my family. If I run away I will never be allowed back and I really truly love my family. Dad will never let my siblings or cousins speak to me. No adult will let their kids talk to me fearing I might “ruin” their kids too. I have some money saved but won’t get me far. I can’t kill my self, too much planning required and too little time. I can beg and plead and maybe someone will listen and convince my parents no to do this to me. I stay locked up for most of the day.
I exit my room sometime after dinner. “Dad, please don’t make me marry him, I don’t want to, I can’t. I will marry whoever you say but just not him and you have to give me time to get to know the person. He is never going to treat me right, please Dad!” I’m crying and trying to be nice to him, no more fighting, kill them with kindness.
He puts his hand on my head, “Listen we are doing the best for you, he and his family are the best for you. Maybe if we knew earlier things would have been different, right now this marriage has to go forward, our izzat (honour) is in your hands. Don’t make me walk with my head hung low for the rest of my life. If you love me and your mom, you will stop fighting and marry him. He will provide for you, he has a great job and he is handsome. His family is well to do and you won’t ever have to worry financially about anything. You are very lucky to find such a boy, be grateful, all are very envious of you right now.”
I think at that point I knew I had to either go along with this sham of a big fat Indian wedding or run away. I chose to go along with it. I couldn’t bear to be away from my parents or extended family. I just couldn’t imagine losing everyone! With no support and barely 20 I felt like I had no options other than, just do as planned for me by my parents. I could do nothing but cry, cry and cry some more.
This was the first of me giving up my happiness for the sake of others. Me saying I will be sad if it puts a smile on your face, you stay happy, I will manage.