We pull up to his house, apparently now my house, and everyone starts piling out of the limo. I am still weeping and can’t seem to gather myself. One of his aunties comes to the door and very kindly helps me out of the car and says, “All of us were sad to leave our parents houses, the feelings are normal. You are very safe here and now you are a part of our family.” I cry even more knowing she doesn’t know that I know he has a girlfriend. Even she knew what was happening and didn’t put a stop to it. Nothing against her, to this day she has been nothing but kind to me, but I can’t help but feel let down by all the women who knew but didn’t raise their voice.
Actually I feel like I was the laughing stock of his family. Almost everyone knew he was a relationship with another woman but not one person thought to warn me or help me. How can everyone stay to quiet when they knew something was not right and would potentially destroy as young girls life. How could they stand by and enjoy the festivities? Would they have stayed quiet if this was happening to their daughter or niece? Why was this ignorance accepted??? How could they do this to me?!?! Better how could my own parents and I do this to Me?💔
I get to the door with him and his mother is there with her ceremonial equipment to greet us. After a few rounds of milk and some sort of folk singing, him and I are led into the house up the stairs to our place in the living room on the floor. Everyone is trying to get a close up look at me, the new addition to the house. I sit on the floor with my head low, eyes puffy and nose red. I don’t want to see any of them, nor do I even want to be sitting there with him. The photographer encourages me to lift me head up for pictures but the tears keep flowing. I do compose myself for a couple of pictures and then break down again. I feel like ripping off my beautiful chunni and throwing it across the room, hurling the glass of milk through the window and in general just smashing shit. Of course, the good girl that I am, I don’t do any of what I’m visualizing. After a few minutes of being lost in my thoughts, I’m being helped up to go take a shower to get ready for the wedding reception.
I take the towel, start undoing my hair, and undressing in this bathroom that I’ve never been in before. My parents always told me to cover up, now why was it okay at 19 to get undressed and shower at a strangers house? As directed I take a quick 5 minute shower and sit myself in front of the makeup/hair artist. I’m dressed in the lengha that his mother picked for me. The colour is beautiful but it’s not very flattering on me. I had wanted to pick what I wanted to wear that night but, that was another right taken away from me. They had chosen what I was to wear, I was merely the mannequin. After a few hours of hair and makeup, I’m ready to go but not before my mother in law walks in with a gold set that was not my style. Of course, like a good girl I said thank you and wore the ugly jewellery and smiled. I take a peek in the mirror, holy shit I’m 3 shades lighter than I remember! They made me look lighter skinned for the night, of course because I was too dark. My makeup was not up to my expectations but who cared anyway? I walk out of the room to be met in the hallway by Raj, he looks at me and looks away. He has nothing to say to me, what could he say to me? His relatives are buzzing about getting ready to leave with us, soon as they are ready we lock up and off we go!
We get to the wedding hall and his family go inside and we are left in the limo together. We don’t say much, his friends come out to say hi and again we are flooded with people being around us. His uncle comes running out and says not to go in. What could possibly be wrong? He comes to the car and says, “You don’t have a wedding cake! Did you not order one?! I have to run out to Safeway and grab one! Don’t go inside yet!” How the fuck he forget one of the things I love most in my life, CAKE! It’s easy to forget I guess, because he doesn’t give a shit about me! He is only marrying me because his parents told him to do so! I don’t even get a nice wedding cake??? I had no say in my outfit, no say in my jewelry, no say in the décor inside, no say in the menu at least you could have gotten me a cake of your choice! I had dreamt about my wedding cake for years and even that was taken away from me (yes I’m sad again.)
When cued we make our grand entrance as a Mr. & Mrs. into the reception. I can’t help but smile nervously, everyone was staring at him and I, we were the stars of the night. We make our way to the stage to take our place and he sits down and I fumble with the chair myself to seat myself. He didn’t even pull the chair out for me. Once seated the introductions of the families start followed up by the entertainment. Then it’s time for the dreaded slow dance! He had asked my preference of a slow song and he didn’t like it so we had 2 songs picked out. Talk about awkward! I didn’t know where to place my hands and I could feel him equally uneasy. After a few minutes we are uneasily dancing and making small talk. I remember him saying how embarrassing it was to be in front of everyone like that, he asked how I was, he would tell me to slow down, when is the song going to be over. I was embarrassed too, this was the first time I was dancing with a boy in front of my family!!! Lesson learned: He is a not a dancer and I’m definitely a dancer! After what seemed like a million years the slow dance is over and when the bhangra blasts from the speakers, the Punjabis take to the dance floor in full force.
At that point he exits the dance floor despite the numerous grabbed attempts by his friends and family to keep him there. I, of course, stay on the dance floor dancing with both sides of the family while he wonders off. Might as well try to make the most with my guests, all 1000 if them! I didn’t know a third of the 1000 people in attendance! This really was my Big Fat Indian Wedding. The night carried on as it should but I hadn’t seen Raj in some time. I asked a couple of his friends about his whereabouts and no one knew where he was. I am going to say he was missing for a couple of hours that night. I believe he went to meet up with HER, he denies this accusation of mine. If he couldn’t bear to be away from her than why didn’t he just marry her??? When he comes back from wherever he was (I believe it was a quick shag to reassure her), it’s dinner and the night is winding down for us.
Slowly the guests start to leave and I’m getting anxious about the time to come. His aunt tells him to end the night with everyone, it was time for him to take his bride away. After ANOTHER tearful good bye between me and my loved ones him and I depart. Didn’t anyone notice how many times I’ve had crying fits??? He is completely hammered. I am driving and he is trying to stay awake in the passenger’s seat. I should have just opened his door and “let him get some air”. Unfortunately I’m not that mean. We arrive and check into our hotel room and it is super awkward for me, I’m not so sure what’s going on his mind. In my mind? OMG what is expected of me tonight????