A couple of days after the my big fat Indian wedding we were sitting on a plane on our way to one of the most beautiful places in the Caribbean. As a daughter in law it hasn’t been that bad being married thus far. I still feel uncomfortable as I’m trying to fit into a house where no one is mine. There is family from all over the world at the house which has helped pass the time effortlessly. Many cups of chai with daal roti came and went but I had still not given myself up to him and nor had he tried to officiate our marriage with sex.
I wasn’t consulted on where to honeymoon but I couldn’t argue with the destination! Throughout the airport, people who know Indian culture look at my choorah and give me approving smiles. I feel like a good obedient girl who was doing all the right things. The plane ride was long and tiring. At some point him and I had developed some sort of speaking relationship, I started to let him in my life. We get to our destination and I’m blown away by the beauty, I can’t help myself but smile ear to ear and thank Raj endlessly for picking such an exotic place. That is where I think our friendship began. Raj is a planner, he had planned out all 7 days with activities and I was excited to participate in every minute of it. I was young and energetic with so much to see and do!!!
The sun was shining everyday, with green waters and beautiful people surrounding me, I was in heaven. For the most part he did treat me well, he encouraged me to be in the water ( I love the water:) ) I had corn rows put in and he took me every single night for the nightly entertainment. I felt so free there with him, I guess that’s what holidays are supposed to feel like. I give him full credit for making my honeymoon a success. The only negative thing that I remember was a comment he made.
He did the things he loved most and didn’t tell me about earlier than now. He drank and smoked (I’m not a fan of smoking, drinking I don’t mind). He made calls back home and he watched a lot of TV while I would go out for the day with my new found friends. At times he would sit poolside with drinks and food as I swam my heart out. I don’t think it’s not too uncommon for couples to have a separate likes and dislikes or interests. When I look back in time, even at that young age I was an optimist. I had grown up making the most of everything, no matter what the circumstances.
We had hired a taxi for the day to take us around. I was appreciated the beauty of women that particular day. I think women are the most beautiful creatures and no two are the same so they ALL must be appreciated for the differences. There was a woman I found very attractive and she was not a size 2, she must of been a size 12. She had this aura around her of beauty, I was mesmerized by her. I made a statement about how I thought she was so beautiful. He responded with she’s too big to be attractive. He also went on to say that if I ever got as big as her it would be over between us. I was shocked he would say such a thing about a body. I was a size 8, I wasn’t small but I wasn’t big either, it was still incredibly offensive as a women to me. We went back and forth about his comment and he stood his ground about his belief.
I couldn’t believe that he was so superficial like that. But then I had to remind myself, it’s not like I know him! I had an arranged marriage to a man who I met 2 times before marrying him AND he had an existing girlfriend while he married me. Who was I kidding??? But being so young meant I was too naive and gullible, really I was just a child and didn’t know any better. That comment has stayed with me since it was said, later in life I realized how much truth he was telling, I guess I didn’t think people were that shallow. So not only did he marry me while he was living with someone else but now I had to worry about my body and what he thought about it???
Little did I know this was just the beginning of the dissection of my body with not only his words but the words of his family. I made the most of my honeymoon with other people. I would take my favorite jet ski instructor out into the deep ocean, I would hold on tight to him and my new husband sat on the beach waiting for my return. I made different friends every night who I would dance away the night with, all while my new husband watched from a distance. When life gives lemons you make lemonades!
Some time during the honeymoon we did consummate our marriage, it was nothing special. For most of the honeymoon I had my period and then it was over giving us the window of opportunity if we wanted it. It started in a hurried fashion and was over before I was ready for it to be over. It was just a physical need we both had it made complete sense to engage in sex with each other, we were technically husband and wife.