Post Honeymoon

12 days in the Caribbean can make anyone forget their reality, isn’t that what vacations are supposed to do, make us forget our real lives??? This vacation cliché worked on me! Clear blue waters, endless bottles of alcohol, sleeping in, sun bathing by the pool, meals prepped for you and having no schedule helped me ignore the fact I was married to someone that was entirely wrong for me.  The first few days back from our honeymoon went by quickly.  His family was still in town, they wanted to hit all the tourist attractions so we had a lot of sightseeing to do with them.  Real life didn’t kick in until about a month after I was actually married.  During that period his family was still in town, we had many dinners, chai’s and chatter to focus on rather than the issues bothering me.

Raj and I settled in some sort of routine. He would set out for work every day in the morning dressed in a suit and tie and then return some time in the evening.  I would spend time with the out of town guests around meals and other visitors until the dinner dishes were done.  Sometime around that he would come home and hang out with the relatives, other nights he would come home, change and then leave again.  I would always be crushed when he did this.  I knew there was nothing between us but some casual sex but I still had expectations, those expectations nearly killed me.  When he would come home and leave, I always knew where he was going, to see his girlfriend.  My gut told me that she was with him when he wasn’t with me.  I would persistently ask him questions about his whereabouts and he would never answer properly except, with friends.  It broke my heart every time he left me in the middle of his family to fend for myself.  Why couldn’t he just take me along and drop me off somewhere and then just pick me up???  I hated pretending to be happy with his family while inside I was so sad.  I hated that I actually liked his family because I resented him for forcing me stay alone with them while he was out with her.  Many times I went to my bedroom, would have a quick cry, fix my makeup and walk out and join the scene as if all was well.   How come none of the family ever asked him where he was going or to stay and join us or even how about, take your fucking wife with you!  I played house in front of the world but in my head I was so confused as to what to do with my feelings.

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1 month in and I didn’t like what marriage was. He would go to work.  I would cook, clean and entertain for his family all three meals.  He would come home change and at times he would leave again and some days he stayed around.  The days he would leave me I would fall asleep waiting and he would return well into the early morning hours.  I would wake up and ask questions about his life and what’s going on and he would brush me off and the cycle continued day in and day out.  A few times Raj and I had heated exchanges but for the most part we were on our best behaviour because the houseguests were still here and listening to everything.

Once the guests had gone back home is when the real drama started. Him and I started to fight behind closed doors about a variety of issues, we never fought in front of his family nor did I ever let on that I was upset.  His mom was sly from the beginning and that became prevalent issues between us. During your son’s wedding, it’s customary to give gifts to family and friends to your guests.  Some gifts can be quite extravagant.  My dear mother in law wanted to give with extravagance without having to spend any money.  About a week after my wedding she asked to “borrow” a gold set (earrings, necklace and ring) so she can gift it to one of Raj’s cousins.  This set was worth thousands of dollars, it was one of the ones that my parents had given me.  I gave her the set as a good non suspecting daughter in law would do, to this day; she has yet to pay me back.  The following week she had asked for a couple of pairs of earrings she had given me but “forgot” to buy some for the other nieces.  She swindled me out of at least 5k worth of jewellery in the name of love and “helping” her out in a time of need.  I should also mention, she was really upset with me that Raj had got me my own deposit box at the bank.   She had insisted she would “take care” of my jewellery, Raj had said no firmly and went ahead and got me a separate box from her.  She had also started making remarks about my body size here and there.

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He was constantly in and out of the house, without much explanation of his whereabouts. He would sometimes arrange for his friends to entertain me in the evenings.  A few of his friends started taking me out to movies, dinners and coffees because my complaining was compelling him to get me out of the house. I wasn’t allowed to go anywhere without him and I didn’t have a job to even go to.  I had told him I wanted to work and he had shut that idea down.  He wanted me spend the first year of my marriage to get to know his family, so I stayed home for the first year.  He gave me money to spend, so I was never without plus I had turned over all my savings to him in the form of a joint account where he would manage the money not me.  I had agreed to this set up, at 20 years old, I didn’t know any better.  I had talked to my mom and she told me the right thing to do was to amalgamate everything with my new husband, so I did without questioning it.   So now he had taken over the money I had saved (he had no savings), I was put on a weekly allowance(it was enough for me so I never complained), was taken out by his friends once a week(they were fun to be around), stayed home to cook/clean for his family (very demanding and criticized me all the time), didn’t see any of my friends (I moved out of the neighbourhood and they were all going to school),  and I was lonely as one could be.  20 years old married for under a couple of months and I felt like I was married to long.  Basically I had given up everything including my own identity to become a mistress masked as a wife.

Raj and I fought all the time, and then he would at times take me out and buy things for me. As an older person, I now see it as a way for him to keep me quiet about the truth about our life together.  He loved to eat at fancy restaurants; he would buy me nice dresses (his parents disapproved of my dresses) and then take me out once in a while.  I think these were the times that she must have been busy in her life; I was the mistress after all!  On call for his pleasure!!!  I must admit, I did like going out with him because it gave me some sense of importance in his life.  Those times I felt hopeful that maybe I will be able to win him over with my unconditional love.  I knew I was a good person and I had good intentions, isn’t that a recipe for success?  I learned later that is a recipe to get walked all over.  I would complain to my parents about my not so great situation and they would tell me to be kind and practice patience, everything will get better.  I asked my dad to come home and he told me it was too soon and I hadn’t tried hard enough to win him and his family over.  Instead he asked me to reflect and see if I had made any mistakes in caring for him and his family!!!  Umm DAD!!!  HOW ABOUT WE FOCUS ON HIS GIRLFRIEND THAT HE CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT AND HIS GREEDY BITCH OF  MOM WHO CONSTANTLY PUTS ME DOWN AND MAKES FUN OF ME???????

What did I do?   All I knew what to do, cry myself to sleep night after night and hope things would turn around as my parents promised.13183486_1172102602842479_690019116_n.jpg

-Venya♥

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