Strike 1

I can still feel the sting of the first time he slapped me across the face. That slap was the beginning of the physical abuse that would take over my life.  Raj and I fought day in and day out.  He would disappear for hours and days and I would confront him about his whereabouts.  I could always tell that he was so frustrated with me but didn’t know what to do.  I’m sure he was caught in a dilemma himself.  He loved another woman, but his parents didn’t approve of her, so he married the girl that his parents approved of but he didn’t love her.  His did what was right in society and for his parents but he wronged me and his girlfriend.

In her defence, I’m sure she was shattered by all of this too. She invested many days, months, and years into a man who ultimately did what his parents wanted him to do.  He chose his parents happiness over hers.  I know that Raj had become a part of her family as well; she must have had some explaining to do about the situation with me in the mix!  Every girl dreams about the perfect man who will treat her as if she is the best thing on Earth, she too, was let down by him.  He probably let her imagine a wedding, life, family and happiness as a couple.  She like me, must’ve had dreams and hopes that he took away from her.  It was an injustice to her as well as to me.

His mom became very rude towards me as the days passed. She became very territorial of her house and her boys.  Nonetheless, I was very uncomfortable there when it was just her and I alone.  She would start to pick on my body, hair, face, smarts, housekeeping skills or whatever it was she wanted to do that day.  I would go to my room and just cry and ask the universe, what did I ever do to deserve this treatment?  Her whole demeanor towards me was full of hate and I am a soft hearted person, I couldn’t handle the hate that I saw no reason for.  I would talk to myself and wait for Dad, Sunny or Raj to come home to divert her attention.  I thought I was going to go insane with this woman all the time.  I was already unhappy about being with her all day and then on top of it, I was always thinking about Raj and his girlfriend.  What were they doing?  Where were they?  Are they fucking right now?  Is she cooking for him?  Why did he marry me???  I wanted to run away, but where would I go with no money at the age of 20?  I had lived a very sheltered life and was very naïve and gullible, thanks for the non-life skills mom and dad!  I would tell my mom and she would console me by saying he will accept you soon, just don’t give up.  My dad wouldn’t say much except, “Your kismet was written when you were born, nothing I can do.  My hands are tied, God has chosen this path for you.”  UMM I know!  How about you let me back home DAD!?!?!

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My parents “gave me space” to let me “adjust” to my new life and I resented them for that. In fact, they told my sister to stay away as well because she was not helping the situation by being supportive to me.  She would come over at times and “rescue” me for the evening.  I loved those evenings with her, it was safe and secure with her.  It was like my parents had just given me up to these strangers and said, “Please have your way with our daughter and we will never stop you from treating her badly.  You own her now; we relinquish all rights on her.” I felt so alone and scared without my parents by my side amongst this family of terror.

My father in law and Sunny (his brother) continued to be nice to me. Once in a while when my mother in law was ripping into me for something or another he would say to her, “That’s enough, stop harassing her, she’s just a child.”  That was always met with hostility, swearing and a backlash from his wife.  At times when she was putting me down, he would just go to his room and say nothing.  With my eyes I would beg him to at least stay there but he never stayed, it was too much for him to listen and too hard for him to stop her.  He did defend me in regards to the housework to her.  “She does as much as you ask, the house is clean, dinner was good, she is trying let her be.  She is the daughter of my friend and I had made promise to him that I need to keep.  I don’t want to be the cause of her tears how will I face her dad, my friend?  She hasn’t done anything wrong to be yelled at like that.  Why are you treating her like this.”  Eventually he would give up and let her attack me verbally.

Sometime after our 3 month mark of being married, due to me persistently questioning, he couldn’t handle the pressure so he slapped me right across the face. I couldn’t believe it!  At this very moment I can feel the burn on my cheek.  That was the first time he hit me, that was the first time I gave him permission to abuse me beyond belief.  I remember sobbing and holding my cheek and sliding down the wall just crumbling to the floor.  Why would he hit me???  So many thoughts were in my head, did he hit her too or was it just me?   For our 1 month anniversary he had taken me out to a 5 star restaurant, I thought that we were at least friends!!!  For our second month anniversary he had surprised me with earrings and now he slapped me!  20 years old, in a marriage that I had refused, treated badly by her mother in law and now he hit me?!?!?  For fucks sake what had I done so terrible in my 20 years of existence that I deserved this treatment by him or his family.  Was there seriously something I was lacking?  At some point I got myself off the floor and went to bed silently to fall asleep.  I was sleeping with the enemy and I told no one about it.

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Venya♥

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