I’m Trying!!!

Continuing to pretend that everything was great to world was my first acting gig for the world. Days and nights passed for the next few months in a blur.  I became an actress overnight without any formal training or lessons!!!  He went on with his routine of work, home and then play and my routine was:  home, home and home.  I had unofficially taken over all the household chores from his mom.  In some ways this was good, the chores kept me busy and distracted to how my life had unfolded.  Cooking cleaning and laundry kept me so busy, time flew by.  My in law are vegetarians, this means they will only eat vegetarian Indian food.  My lovely husband will NOT eat vegetarian food, a true meat eater.  My brother in law is a vegetarian but will NOT eat Indian food.  Do you see a little bit of conflict in cooking here???  I was literally making up to 4-6 dishes a day in hopes of meeting everyone’s needs to keep them happy.  This meant that after every session there was a sink full of dishes to do, yes, no one helped me.

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Most weekends there was company over at the house, they were my responsibility. Just to clarify I LOVED and still love having company over.  I enjoyed cooking for them and cleaning up after them.  I’m a natural nurturer so this was second nature to me.  What I didn’t like was when my mother in law would sit with the guests and criticize me indirectly and at times directly.  “This is too spicy, too much salt, left raw, roti is not round etc. “I would pretend I didn’t hear and keep going trying to please the guests.  Her words stung me every time because I was trying so hard to “be good” and she wouldn’t even TRY to notice my efforts.

I was making my father and brother in law happy in many ways. I would cook whatever they would ask of me.  I hung out with Sunny and we became buddies, actually good friends.  We would go for ice cream, walks around the neighborhood, shopping at the malls and do what normal 20 year old friends did together.  At times we would see the latest movies at home or at the theatres, what I enjoyed the most was our talks.  He told me many truths about his family that Raj nor his parents ever spoke to me about.  Raj’s dad was so easy to win over.  When he would come home from work, his cold glass of liquid was handed to him as he entered the house.  I would take his bag from him and unpack it.  As he would settle on the couch I would teasingly ask him questions about work, he really enjoyed the time, I knew he did.  Some days I would braid his next to nothing hair, give him facials, and even massage lotions on him.  I treated him as I had treated my own dad growing up, like a little girls daddy, my go to guy.  I would even clip his nails, pick out his outfits, tell him what to do and basically I started becoming his daughter.  I really truly feel like he took me as the daughter he wanted and needed but never had.   Every time he would see me he had the biggest smile on his face, and was so nice to me!  He would even brag to his friends and relatives about how lucky they were to have me in the family.  He would go on about my personality, cooking skills and most of all he would say, “she is good for our son”.  My mother in law was never pleased when he would brag about me, I could feel and see the scowl on her face, I tried to ignore it.

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I was accepted by his dad and brother but yet to be accepted by Raj himself. I made many attempts to get him to pay attention to me but I couldn’t get very far.  We were friends and had sex whenever we felt like it, nothing really more than that.  I was very sad, upset and extremely jealous of the other woman.  I would sit there for hours to figure out how I could win him over, what did she had that I didn’t have.  What could I become that would be enticing to him?  How could I please him enough that he would become mine?  At my tender age of 20, with no real life experience or real relationships prior to this, I thought food and sex.   I was already cooking up storms, trying new recipes, using mom’s recipes and really outdoing myself with the variety (wish someone would cook for me like that these days!!!).  We could have used some help in the bedroom.

I have always been a fan of great sex and the many experiences that come along with it. Yes it’s true,  Venya is a very sexual person. I enjoy sex and some days can’t get enough of it!  Sex for me was always been a real pleasure but it hadn’t been that pleasurable because of Raj.  Some nights I would throw myself at him and if he felt like it, he took the bait.  Other times he would reject me and send me in an emotional downward spiral.  We really didn’t really have much of a relationship so when you get rejected sexually it’s very heartbreaking.  Those were the can I do anything right moments.   I decided to take matters to the next level in the bedroom.  I went on a bit of a shopping spree for more lingerie ( already had plenty).  I picked out some pieces that I thought he would appreciate.  I was so proud of myself for shopping to please my husband; with hope in my heart I bought everything I thought would help us. Can money buy happiness??? After I got the bags past customs, my mother in law inspected everything I bought, I stashed it away waiting for the perfect moment.   That perfect moment came one night.  He had come home straight after work, had dinner with me and the family and seemed to be staying in.  So, I picked the prettiest silk turquoise negligée, put it on and entered the bedroom.

-Venya♥

 

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