Was it necessary?

He looked at me square in the eye and slapped me right across the face. What the fuck had just happened!?!?!  Did he just slap me because I was initiating sex with him???  I was so embarrassed and horrified!

I remember cupping my cheek with my hand with tears streaming down my face.  Is this what happens after marriage when one person isn’t interested in sex???  They hit each other?   Are we not supposed use words to say no?  Did this happen to all the girls?  Why was he so angry with me, all I tried to do is make my husband happy by offering myself to him.  Did he treat the other girl like this too?  Did he hit her too when he didn’t like something about her? My dad had promised me he was a good guy from a great family who would take care of me!!!

My head was spinning with so many questions but mostly I was scared of him.   There I was, in my silk turquoise negligée crying and quivering with shock, that’s not what I had expected when I was getting dressed for him. All I could do is stare at him or at the bed and cry, still no words were coming out of my mouth. Why did he have to slap me so hard?!?!? What did I do that was so wrong that he slapped me like that? My dad hadn’t even slapped me like that in my entire life! No one had EVER hit me like that! WHY?!?!

As I was writing this I just took a moment and stared at my keyboard while taking myself back to that moment. Run Venya run is what I’m presently thinking. No young woman deserved to be treated like that especially since she was turning a blind eye to all that was going on. His mom was a mother in law from hell, he was in love with another woman, his brother and dad pretending to nothing was going on in the house. He should have treated me like a queen for what I was putting up with thus far. Where does any man get the courage to hit a woman like that? Why do they think it’s okay to not only treat them badly emotionally but hurt them physically all the while they are the ones who are making ALL the mistakes?

Finally he broke the silence. “See what you made me do? I didn’t want to hit you but you forced me to! I’m not paying attention to you because I don’t want sex right now! What part of that did you not understand??? I have been ignoring you the whole time! Why are you crying now? You wanted a reaction, you got it! I fucking told you to stop and you didn’t you continued to press my buttons, you happy now??? Let me guess, I’m a bad person because you don’t get it when you’re not wanted?

I had nothing to say or do. I got up out of the bed that my parents had gifted me for my prosperous matrimony and had a good cry in the bathroom.   I washed my face to freshen up, looked in the mirror, I saw this ugly girl who couldn’t do anything right so far in her marriage. My eyes were swollen and bloodshot, my face sad and deranged with continuous tears still spilling out. This girl I was staring at had done nothing but create enemies and problems within her new family. She was so stupid! Why couldn’t her mother in law and husband get along with her ? Why, because she was stupid, clueless and didn’t know how to fit in anywhere. Maybe if she tried harder, things would get better for her. I went back to the bedroom, climbed into bed with my back to him and tried to fall asleep but couldn’t. My parents always had said not to go sleep mad, I wasn’t used to these sorts of awful good nights. My dad came into my room EVERY night and gave me a good night kiss. That kiss was replaced by my husband with a slap.

With my back turned to him I said, “I’m sorry, I was just trying to make you happy. I’m really very sorry.” I got no response from him, at some point I fell asleep thinking I how much I hate this marriage thing. Tomorrow will be a new day and of course I wasn’t about to tell anyone, this hit was especially embarrassing, it was over sex!

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Present day thoughts:

So let me get this right, I try to be intimate with my legal husband and he slaps me across the face to let me know he’s not interested, umm okay. On top of that he is blaming me for pushing him into hitting me?

Can you say ASSHOLE!?!?!?

He justified himself for treating me badly that night because, ‘he didn’t want to.’ Why didn’t he do that outside the house to other men who could fight for themselves ‘when he didn’t want to’ do whatever it was? Because its’ easier to pick on a girl who is naïve, gullible, 20, programmed to be a sheltered pleaser, and just young in general.

My whole life my parents had promised that marriage was some beautiful thing between two people. (My cheek can still feel the burn from Raj). I had imagined that I would marry a man who would want me and we would have endless sex and wake up with huge smiles. Growing up they constantly forbade me to be involved sexually with men, to save myself for the one. I’m so glad I didn’t listen to their advice!

Pre marriage sexual encounters gave me a sense of what’s right and wrong in bed. It gave me a comparison to what was good or bad. It gave me experiences with sex, good and bad. I think everyone should have sex with others before they get married especially if they are opting for an arranged marriage. If you choose an arranged marriage do you expect your sex life will be perfect, what if he’s a closet gay and marries you to cover up his sexual preference or impotent, or doesn’t know what to do with it, low stamina, deformed, STI’s ANYTHING could be wrong and then you’ve saved yourself for what?

What if you ‘save yourself’ and then end up with a dud? You have to live in celibacy or start to cheat on your spouse? We are humans; it’s natural for us to want to have sex. It’s not a dirty thing; it’s beautiful when with the right people. This is how we pro create; this is how the world keeps evolving, through sex. I think girls should have safe sex responsibly should they please to do so.

After marriage (mostly arranged marriage) there is no guarantee that ‘everything is going to be great’.   Hadn’t I had my experiences, I would have thought that sex was ugly, gross or violent. It’s none of that.

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-Venya ♥

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