There she was…

I was looking forward to being a spy/snoop but hadn’t thought about the hurt I was about to face.

Starting out with his phone, I started going through it when he was in the shower, in the middle of the night, he was outside, basically any chance I got I took it.  I came across lots of messages: “call me back” “miss you” ”can’t wait to see you” ‘thank you for an awesome night” “what are you doing” . Every time I would read a message my stomach would churn.  I would at times get physically ill and cry.  Sometimes I would listen in a hear her voice messages again a lot of “I love you” “where are you” “that was awesome” “waiting for you” “do you want me to grab food”.

The voice messages were much harder to listen to than reading the messages.   There was something about hearing her voice that made it hurt more, maybe it gave my “story” life?

I also hacked into his email and didn’t find much. The heavy content was all via phone.  I was more curious than ever about her!  She seemed so loving on the messages.  This was a real girl and I craved knowing more about her (sick I know).

I was so confused with myself. This woman was the root of my hurt yet I was so mesmerized with her. Sounds crazy but I couldn’t get enough of her.  I wanted to know everything about her and him as a couple and about her as a woman.  I kept digging and day in and day out I would listen to their back and forth.

I never let on to Raj that I was listening in or reading their messages.  I knew if I confronted him, he would stop them and I would lose any sort of information I had on their whereabouts.  I kept quietly hurting, all by myself.

The pain I felt of betrayal made me want to know more about her. Who is she really and what was she all about?  I had figured out what her job was through the messages, all I had to do was do more research and find her.  My new focus became, tracking her down in person.  I had listened and read enough messages, I had  questions now.

I wanted to ask her why she was continuing a relationship with him. I wanted to ask her all sorts of questions.  I just wanted to know her.   Why?  I’m not sure.  Most of all I wanted to know why she would do this to another woman.

So I dug and dug and eventually I found her. I was able to figure out where she worked and what time.  Hatching a plan with my sister I decided to show up at her workplace.  I wasn’t even sure what I was going to say to her or how to even approach her but I knew I had to do it for my sanity.

The very next day, I hopped into my sister’s car and before I knew it I was outside of where she worked.  She didn’t notice me standing there staring at her.  My sister had to pull me aside and told me stop being so creepy.

She was pretty, not a huge build, short and petite.  Curly hair and seemed very mature.  All in all she looked like an average women.  I hadn’t really examined her like this the day of the lunch, at that time I didn’t know what to look for!  This time I was looking for the love of my husbands life within her.  I stood there for awhile and took her in with my eyes.  We were opposite in looks, she seemed friendly (so was I), energetic (so was I), smart (so was I).  What did she have that I didn’t?  The only way to find out was to go and talk to her.

Nervously, I walked up to her and asked her, ” Are you Jas?”

She looked at me intently, “Yes I am, are you Raj’s wife?”

“Yes I am and I think we need to talk.”

“Okay, can you come back in half hour, I’ll take my lunch and we can talk.”

“Sounds good, see you in half hour.”  I couldn’t believe it!  I had found her and I was actually going to get a chance to ask her questions that were bothering me.  I’m surprised that the feeling of wanting to rip her hair out didn’t come alive while standing in front of her.

The half hour wait was very nerve wracking.  I was trying to cue up all my questions so I could maximize my time with her.  I was 20 and was going to take on my husbands girlfriend who was 9-10 years my senior!!!  (Bring out the jello, bikinis and swimming pool)  This was going to be interesting…


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