Fill in Moms

For the ladies without kids but loving hearts, this one is for you. These days there is much debate whether a woman should bear children or not.  I have been caught in the cross fire many times and have flip flopped for many years on my stance.  In my 30’s I think I have finally made up my mind as to what is the right thing to do.

Keep in mind I was that girl who used to tell EVERY SINGLE female to have children. I feel kids are amazing, they enhance your life, they give you a purpose etc. but they are like a box of chocolates!   I have stopped preaching to women to become mothers because so many kids have moms that aren’t really there physically and at times, emotionally.

WOMEN, never feel guilty, bad or you’re missing out on something because you don’t have children of your own. Here’s why:

You can be an excellent fill-in mom to a young person whose mom may be absent. (Single mom, sick mom, mom who isn’t enjoying motherhood etc.)

You can fill up the emotional bank for any child as an interactive auntie. So many kids have parents but may not be getting the undivided attention every child craves; you can be that person to fill the void.

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The orphanages are overflowing with children who need homes filled with love; a child doesn’t have to be biologically yours for you to be its world and vice versa.

Too many teenagers are walking around without positive role models, you can scoop up one of them and act as a big sister and really mentor a child into adult life.

Many mothers need a break from normal routine! Childless women can be the one giving a break to their mom friends to recharge. Thank you to my childless friends who help me out with my kids, you have no idea how much it helps me!

Just because you didn’t have children doesn’t mean you’re not a real woman. You most definitely are, you just thought things through before making a decision that cannot be altered.  Children are a huge commitment.  They are demanding physically, emotionally and financially which all bring stress and struggles.   there may or may not be a pay off in the end.  In your old age you still may be alone…or your house may be filled with a huge family.  No one knows the future, only time will tell.

Which is worse: Having a child and not really being a present, caring, involved mom or not having children but nurturing, mentoring and caring for other children who may not have the best circumstances?

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Whatever decision a woman makes, she has to live with it.  We as a society should support her and not make her feel guilty for her choices.   There are too many kids waiting to be loved and cared for, so let’s stop judging each other and help those who need it, the kids, they are the future.

Personally, I love being a mom! In fact, I’m a mom to my 2 plus too many who frequent my house.  This post was prompted because a teenage girl was telling me how her mom is there but never really does anything with her.  Her mom doesn’t talk with her, cook with her or anything really.  According to this young adult her mom is too busy on the phone, cleaning or running errands to pay attention to her.  She told me she wished I was her mom or her mom would be like me.  A few months back another teen girl  told me how her single mom didn’t have time for her and she had no one to talk to but me about “things”.  She knows her mom is working hard for her but wanted her mom to be around instead of working all the time.  She too asked me to adopt her (I have informally!)

After witnessing too many women not really liking the motherhood role and/or not taking care of their children I say, if you don’t want to have kids don’t do it. There are enough kids who need to be loved that are already in this world, just love them.  If you want kids and will take your role as a mom seriously, then do it, there is a real joy in it!  Just remember there are many ups and downs in parenting the same as any other role in our lives.

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Now time for me to go love my babies whether they like it or not!

Venya♥

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