With mixed emotions I went home straight to the bedroom that I shared with him. Who was him anyway? Was he my husband or was he her boyfriend??? So mad, sad and angry at the world the tears flowed like an overflowing river. Like every other time, the question of ‘why me’ did loops in my head. How could he and his family do this to me??? How could they do this to her??? How could they do this to any one??? Had they no respect for women in general or was it a select few?
Her words were repeating themselves in my head like a broken record player; I thought I was going insane! She had said all the clothing he had, she was somehow responsible for it. I wanted to destroy anything in the closet that she had anything to do with. I started making a pile on the bed. Before I knew it was almost all of his belongings, had I lost it? What to do now, throw it out? Nope, not good enough for me, it all needed to be destroyed. I took a pair of scissors and started cutting up ties, shirts, pants and jackets. It felt good doing it yet I felt so bad taking action like this. As if the destruction with the scissors wasn’t good enough, I took as much as I could carry out to the lawn and I lit it on fire. My head and heart were in turmoil, I didn’t want to be this evil person, but I felt like I had no choice. I watched everything burn not caring what the neighbors must be thinking. I was going to make her go away, I was going to stop their relationship. I had to, I had no other choice. I wanted to scream and shout, only tears came out.
There was much satisfaction in destroying some of what they had together! I was looking forward to the part where I could boast about my actions to him.
I waited for him to come home after work deliberately leaving his cut up clothing in plain view. His reaction was not what I had anticipated; he was very calm about, almost as if he half expected it. He did ask me if I felt better in wrecking his stuff.
I answered, “Yes and if there was anything else that I ‘felt’ was connected to her that too would go too.”
I never was completely satisfied because of his lack of reaction. I had thought he would see his stuff tattered and thrown away and we would have an arguing match but, nothing like that happened.
Getting rid of his/her stuff never did take my problems away but it then gave me a chance to rebuild his wardrobe again, but this time with me by his side and not her! I wasn’t giving up on my marriage I had decided, I was going to fight for what was rightfully and legally mine. Now him and I were going to build EVERYTHING together and she wasn’t going to be a part of anything!
Now the fire was lit within me, did I have it me to overtake his girlfriend?