I was now determined to become “the one” in his life. I had to prove to myself, to him and to her that I was woman enough to be his wife. I also wanted to force his parents to believe that I was a good addition to the family. I had left my everything to be part of this family only to be rejected? No way! They were going to love me and accept me.
I began shifting my focus on myself rather than her, I started out by mentally preparing myself that I was going to be fighting fire with fire. I also knew that I had the fight of my life coming up as I was competing with my husband’s love. This was the start of me killing myself to be attractive to him and his family.
I called my sister and told her what I was going to do and she didn’t agree, nor did she disagree. I think she was too young to make a decision with me. I wish we both had been older so I wouldn’t have destroyed myself trying to make myself attractive to him.
Hmm, but first I had to figure out was wrong with me. I start analyzing myself. I remember looking in the mirror and thinking there are some adjustments to be made but for the most part I was easy on the eyes. Yes I have a flirty personality and I’m outgoing, but that’s fixable. I will start to tone it down with my personality, easy fix! My smarts, I did maintain good greats throughout my life and I was pretty good at figuring things out, I will become even brighter! I knew how to cook and clean but there was always room for improvement! I knew from the praises that my parents sang that I was a pretty good daughter, what possibly could be difficult in being a good daughter in law? In fact my entire life, at that point, I was the example kid that all the parents used to their own kids, “Why can’ you be like her?” After a quick self analysis I concluded that I was okay wife material.
In my heart of all hearts I really wanted to be his wife, his #1, his only priority. I had heard being married required work; well I was prepared to put in the work! My parents were not going to be shamed by me and a marriage that would possibly not work out!
What was the recipe for winning a man’s love? Dress attractively, cook awesome food, be a hooker in the bedroom, have intelligent conversation, and love his family like your own? Check, check, and check!
By nature I was quite adjustable, I had the ability to make everyone my friend, I was smart and actually liked domestic work. What more did a husband want? I was going to fight for what was rightfully and legally mine
I got this I thought, I’m going to kill ‘em with kindness 🙂 Boy was I wrong!