Everyday life

I started to morph myself into the perfect wife I thought he wanted me to be. The whole time I did this, I was, of course stacking myself up against his girlfriend.  When he would come home, I had mouth-watering meals prepared for him.   I would try to look half decent and be (or at least act) happy when he would come home from work.  When he would go out I would ask if I could come along and at times he said yes and other times he would say no.  Since he didn’t want me to work, I had a lot of free time to think of ways to keep him connected to me.  During the day I would cook and clean for his mom and brother. At times, I would take his mom out and about trying to get her to like me.

Many weekends his relatives would come over and I would cook and clean up after ALL of them. In truth, I really enjoyed his extended family.  They were very kind to me and praised me often.  When they would praise my demeanor or cooking my mother in law would always step in with her infamous like, “it all looks perfect until you have to live with her.”   When she would say this, people did not know how to respond, I could see it in their eyes.  I think they were shocked that she would be so rude to a girl barely 20 who was waiting on the family hand and foot!  She made such comments about me a few times and I would go to Raj and say why does mummyji continually speak like that of me to others?  What am I doing that is so awful?  Why is she being so rude to me in front of the family?  His response, “I don’t know why, she’s crazy.  She doesn’t know how to have a relationship with you, she’s been queen bee for her entire life and now you’re outshining her.  Maybe moms threatened by you?”

I would tend to his family while he would make a small appearance, tell me it’s not really a lot of work, freshen up and leave the house. It’s safe to assume he was going to be with her or maybe his friends?

His dad was for the most part in love with me. He didn’t stand up for me to anyone but he didn’t really treat me badly either.  He and I would share food, conversations; he would give me spending money etc.   He was treating me like the daughter he never had.  My dad had said that he was a decent man and would be fair.  Decent? Yes. Fair?  Not so sure.  He didn’t want to engage in any sort of arguments or negativity.  He would just go to work, eat, and sit around for some time and then sleep.   Overall he was a good man at the time with no backbone but, there was love in his eyes for me.  I didn’t see that love from anyone else in that house, he was mine!

The one thing that was really nice to have was his brother, Sunny. He became my best friend.  We would share secrets; he would be an emotional support.  I would spot him money to go out with his girlfriend and he would give me the inside scoop of what was going on.  He often told me that his mom really hated me.  He would tell me how her and her friends would gather and let loose about how awful I am and how this marriage was a terrible mistake.  He would also give me all the secrets of his brother.  Sunny would tell me his version of Raj, his girlfriend and the parent’s relationship.  Sunny gave me all the information I needed to know I wasn’t wanted and was the root of most of the problems in that house.  He also confirmed many of my “do you think” questions.  Sunny was my best friend living in the same house as me!

Day to day, I started to live my life in a submissive way as if was normal to be abused, mentally, emotionally and physically.   I was losing the sense of what was the right way or “normal” way to live was.  I was officially being brainwashed by his family and coerced by family to go along with this craziness.  All I wanted was them to like me and have that perfect marriage where the couple loved one another.

This is how I began to lose myself….


2 thoughts on “Everyday life

  1. I wish for you that flowers grow in this garden of thorns…you have experienced a lot.some of the content I can relate to..those submissive times…as women we all give our power away to be loved and accepted…maybe…I see emerging from you a powerful woman with a story to share…sending you love! keep blogging…keep writing…that feeling of pressing publish is practice for your confidence…


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