For those of you following my blog, I’ve decided to continue to write my story to empower other women and as therapy for myself.
The days of my life continued on like a bad dream. Being content on the “normal” days of my life and hating life on those days that I could have done without. I was doing my best to keep distracted although it was tough through the tears.
As a young girl I had had many aspirations of who and what to become when I was a grown up. My father had agreed with me on the profession of a lawyer (not sure why he agreed, its take education to become a lawyer and he wasn’t ready to give me the right to school). Some days I thought about nursing, hairdressing, Immigration officer etc. Instead of allowing me to pursue any sort of post secondary I was forced to marry the asshole. A little later than the usual I decided to go back to school part time while I worked during the day. I was about 21 and started my journey to be a nurse! I was finally going to do something with my life!
I must credit Raj with helping me and yes “allowing” me to go to school. His parents were NOT supportive that their slave daughter in law go to school and work, who would make roti and do the dishes??? Raj helped my choose a path and supported me financially and emotionally to tackle the world of academics. I was ever so grateful to him! Starting out slow I was going to school in the evenings which meant more nights away from that hell. I embraced my new life, literally skipping to school.
Half a year went by and I didn’t even notice! By nature I thoroughly enjoyed school. I loved learning, loved having all the answers and loved being amongst like minded people. I loved my teacher, made beautiful friends who never really knew the real me and maybe I didn’t know the real them. Nevertheless I enjoyed their company on those nights, it was better than being at home alone and unhappy. I completed my night school and was ready to dive into the full time program. That meant quit my full time job and have no income until I was done with my nursing dream.
Life at home didn’t change, he would go out, yell at me, beat me at times and I would in return serve him and his family all with a smile. His parents continued on treating me like shit and I continued taking it. I was extremely lonely and wanted to get out somehow and saw education as a means to do so. Still, not speaking the truth to anyone, especially to the other girls at school. I needed to get full time enrollment for several different reasons but mostly for my sanity and to plan my escape. Amidst the chaos, I applied for a spot and got it! That was early in the year. In order to pursue my life through education, one day after a bad fight with Raj I decided to pack my shit and leave him.
He tried to stop me but I walked out with a promise of never coming back. Got on transit and off I went in tears of confusion.
With all that I could put into a carrying bag I showed up at my parents house. I can tell you my mom was happy to see me but not happy with my intentions to leave the marriage. I walked through the door and made myself at home. I was never going back to him or those fuck faces. It was time for me to be me after all I was not even 22, plenty of time to be the woman I needed to be. After almost 2 years of violence and abuse I was FREE!!!!