Poetry – Venyas Rose

I Think Of You In Silence
I Often Speak Your Name
All I Have Left Are Memories
And A Heart Around Your Name
My Heart Aches With Sadness
And All My Tears Will Flow
But What It Meant To Lose You
No-one Will Ever Know

I Can Get A Girl Who
Love Me More Than
You …
But You Will Never Get A
Guy Who Love You More Than Me

To Die In Luv For Someone
Is Not The Big Thing..
To Live With That Pain With
Smile Forever…
Is The Great Real Achievement..!

Heart Is The Greatest Cheater
In This World..
Because
It Makes Thousand Of Different
Excuses To Stay In Touch With
The Person You Love…

Venyas Rose

Poetry – Venyas Rose

Wo Meri Soch Hai, Koi Aur
Usey Sochey To Q? Wo Mery
Labon Ka Naghma Hai Koi Aur
Usey Gungunaye To Q? Wo
Meri Chahat Hai, Koi Aur
Usey Chahey To Q? Wo Meri
Nazar Ka Aaina Hai, Koi Aur
Usey Dekhey To Q? Wo Sirf
Meri “Dua” Hai
Koi Ussay Mangay To Q..!!

 

Never Try To Examine
Your Love Relations
Because They Are Like Diamonds
When You Hit Them
They Don’t Break But May
Slip Away From Your Life..!!!

 

When A Boy Calls U Cute,
He Likes Ur Face..
When He Calls U Hot,
He Likes Ur Body..
When He Calls U Beautiful,
He Likes Ur Heart..!

 

Never Talk About Feelings,
If They Aren’t Really There
Never Hold My Hand,
If You Going To Break My Heart
Never Say You Are Going To,
If You Don’t Plan To Start
Never Look In My Eyes,
If All You Do Is Lie
Never Say Hello,
If You Really Mean Goodbye

Venyas Rose

Poetry – Venyas Rose

She Asked Me,
Why Are U Sad ??
I Amswer: Becoz I Can’t Understand
Our Relationship. Sumtimes, I Feel
Like We Are Friends. Sumtimes, I Feel
Like We Are More Then Friends,
May Be Lovers. But Sumtimes I Feel
Like I Am Just A Stranger To You

 

Quote Broken Heart:
Congrats For Ur New
Relationship Dear.. But,
Before Going Would U Like
To Get That Knife Out
Of My Heart.. U’ll Probably
Need It Again..!

 

Love You.. I Love You..
My Heart Constantly Hurts
Everytime I Said That.
Not Because I’m Too Afraid
To Hear The Wrong Answer
From You.
But, I’m Scared To Hear
Another Lies..!

 

Pyaar, Pyaar Hai.
Chahe Khushiyo Se Bhara Ho,
Ya Gam Se.
Pyaar Mein Khushi Ho
Tho Sab Jeete Hain.
Pyaar Mein Jeene Ka Maza Tho
Tab Aata Hai Jab Pyaar Mein Gam Ho.
Realy I Want To Live In Love With
………Sadness………

 

Venyas Rose

Poetry – Venyas Rose

Some Day U Will Cry For Me
Like I Cry For
U, Some Day U Will Miss Me
Like I Miss U,
Some Day U Will Need Me
Like I Need U,
Some Day U Will Love Me
Like I Love U.

 

Once People Told Me Love
Is True, I Didn’t Believe
It Till I Found You, Now
That U Gone, I’m Going
Crazy, I Wish U Would Here
N Tell Me “I Love You”

 

Just Because My Eyes Do Not
Show Tears, Doesn’t Mean My
Heart Doesn’t Cry N I Don’t
Get Hurt. Just Because I Come
Out Strong, Doesn’t Mean There
Is Nothing Wrong. Often I
Choose To Pretend That I’m
Happy. So I Don’t Have To Explain
Myself To People Who’ll Never
Understand. Smiling Has Always
Been Easier Than Explaining Y I’m Sad…!!

Venyas Rose

Strike 1

I can still feel the sting of the first time he slapped me across the face. That slap was the beginning of the physical abuse that would take over my life.  Raj and I fought day in and day out.  He would disappear for hours and days and I would confront him about his whereabouts.  I could always tell that he was so frustrated with me but didn’t know what to do.  I’m sure he was caught in a dilemma himself.  He loved another woman, but his parents didn’t approve of her, so he married the girl that his parents approved of but he didn’t love her.  His did what was right in society and for his parents but he wronged me and his girlfriend.

In her defence, I’m sure she was shattered by all of this too. She invested many days, months, and years into a man who ultimately did what his parents wanted him to do.  He chose his parents happiness over hers.  I know that Raj had become a part of her family as well; she must have had some explaining to do about the situation with me in the mix!  Every girl dreams about the perfect man who will treat her as if she is the best thing on Earth, she too, was let down by him.  He probably let her imagine a wedding, life, family and happiness as a couple.  She like me, must’ve had dreams and hopes that he took away from her.  It was an injustice to her as well as to me.

His mom became very rude towards me as the days passed. She became very territorial of her house and her boys.  Nonetheless, I was very uncomfortable there when it was just her and I alone.  She would start to pick on my body, hair, face, smarts, housekeeping skills or whatever it was she wanted to do that day.  I would go to my room and just cry and ask the universe, what did I ever do to deserve this treatment?  Her whole demeanor towards me was full of hate and I am a soft hearted person, I couldn’t handle the hate that I saw no reason for.  I would talk to myself and wait for Dad, Sunny or Raj to come home to divert her attention.  I thought I was going to go insane with this woman all the time.  I was already unhappy about being with her all day and then on top of it, I was always thinking about Raj and his girlfriend.  What were they doing?  Where were they?  Are they fucking right now?  Is she cooking for him?  Why did he marry me???  I wanted to run away, but where would I go with no money at the age of 20?  I had lived a very sheltered life and was very naïve and gullible, thanks for the non-life skills mom and dad!  I would tell my mom and she would console me by saying he will accept you soon, just don’t give up.  My dad wouldn’t say much except, “Your kismet was written when you were born, nothing I can do.  My hands are tied, God has chosen this path for you.”  UMM I know!  How about you let me back home DAD!?!?!

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My parents “gave me space” to let me “adjust” to my new life and I resented them for that. In fact, they told my sister to stay away as well because she was not helping the situation by being supportive to me.  She would come over at times and “rescue” me for the evening.  I loved those evenings with her, it was safe and secure with her.  It was like my parents had just given me up to these strangers and said, “Please have your way with our daughter and we will never stop you from treating her badly.  You own her now; we relinquish all rights on her.” I felt so alone and scared without my parents by my side amongst this family of terror.

My father in law and Sunny (his brother) continued to be nice to me. Once in a while when my mother in law was ripping into me for something or another he would say to her, “That’s enough, stop harassing her, she’s just a child.”  That was always met with hostility, swearing and a backlash from his wife.  At times when she was putting me down, he would just go to his room and say nothing.  With my eyes I would beg him to at least stay there but he never stayed, it was too much for him to listen and too hard for him to stop her.  He did defend me in regards to the housework to her.  “She does as much as you ask, the house is clean, dinner was good, she is trying let her be.  She is the daughter of my friend and I had made promise to him that I need to keep.  I don’t want to be the cause of her tears how will I face her dad, my friend?  She hasn’t done anything wrong to be yelled at like that.  Why are you treating her like this.”  Eventually he would give up and let her attack me verbally.

Sometime after our 3 month mark of being married, due to me persistently questioning, he couldn’t handle the pressure so he slapped me right across the face. I couldn’t believe it!  At this very moment I can feel the burn on my cheek.  That was the first time he hit me, that was the first time I gave him permission to abuse me beyond belief.  I remember sobbing and holding my cheek and sliding down the wall just crumbling to the floor.  Why would he hit me???  So many thoughts were in my head, did he hit her too or was it just me?   For our 1 month anniversary he had taken me out to a 5 star restaurant, I thought that we were at least friends!!!  For our second month anniversary he had surprised me with earrings and now he slapped me!  20 years old, in a marriage that I had refused, treated badly by her mother in law and now he hit me?!?!?  For fucks sake what had I done so terrible in my 20 years of existence that I deserved this treatment by him or his family.  Was there seriously something I was lacking?  At some point I got myself off the floor and went to bed silently to fall asleep.  I was sleeping with the enemy and I told no one about it.

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Venya♥

Hope

Every morning was a new day of hope for me. Can I get him to love me?  What can I do to make him stay loyal to me and this marriage?  How can I win the love and affection of his family?  I was a born an optimist, I think my outlook has literally saved my life.  I would fall asleep crying, sad and upset thinking about this life I was living.  I had had high hopes for myself.  I wanted to go to university but my dad hadn’t allowed me to go because, “girls didn’t need to go to school.”  Raj’s parents had promised I could go to school but had taken their promise back.  Growing up I was the kid that would become something.  My cousins had big plans to come visit me in my mansion and I was going to pay for family reunions when the time came.  The family thought I would one day become a lawyer, doctor or some professional.  I was the kid that all the parents wanted and yelled at their kids to be like me.  I was academically smart, was respectful of my family, domesticated, loved cooking and entertaining, spend time with my parents, worked at the age of 15, athletic (my dad hated that part of me) and made time for the gurdwara.  I was a very well rounded child who had it all.  My parents used to brag about me to others about how “good” their oldest daughter was.  What happened to the life that I had envisioned for myself? I was supposed to make those who knew me proud to be a part of my life!  When I received my scholarship from school, I had been hopeful that my dad would allow me to go to university.

I would daydream about becoming “someone”, it never happened. My dad dreamt about my marriage and passing off the burden (me) to someone else.  After I turned into a full bodied 18 year old my existence made my dad nervous.  I was on lockdown most of the time, people had bad intentions he would tell me.  I would still rebel and leave the house, upon my return I was almost always was met with hostility.  His biggest fear was I would get pregnant or run away with someone I wasn’t supposed to.  He focused on the negative instead of encouraging me to be safe and teach me to make good decisions.  It was a very strict household, and I couldn’t understand why all these restrictions were put on me and my sister.  I wanted to hang out with my friends, go to movies, have sleepovers and just play outside.  Most of these activities were a battle in our house.  I felt like I did everything right and they still couldn’t let me be me.  Straight “A” student her whole life, athletic, high family values, clean heart and loved people in general – what more did they want from me???

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In the fetal position I would often think, what I did I do that was so wrong that my parents picked this life/family for me. I was such a sweet, loving kid who had it all and was full of life (maybe I had too much life for my parents to handle).  Why did they abandon me like this?  What could I have done better so they didn’t have to get rid of me?  Raj would at times pay attention to me and at times would ignore me completely.  Some days were good and some days were bad.  I constantly tried to win his affection but nothing seemed to work.  His mom was somewhat kind to me but that was ever changing depending on her mood.  His Dad was really happy to have me, as was his brother.  I got along with them really well.  For them, at that time, I was the daughter/sister they always wanted and finally had.

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His brother was kind towards me, I really felt like he was my biological brother. We would go out together, watch TV together and in general just hang out.   He looked to me for advice, guidance and money until the day he got married.  I loved that kid, he enlightened me about his family and told me things that I needed to know in regards to his brother.  Dad was infatuated with me!  He loved that I could hang out with him, I would joke with him, play with his hair, clip his nails, feed him and in general I cared for him in everyone I knew how.  I treated him, like I treated my own Dad.  My dad had told me this guy was super great and treat him as you treat me and you will be fine.  Often he would give me and  Sunny (Raj’s brother) money and tell us to go get ice cream or something to eat.  Sunny and I are the same age; we had a lot in common which worked out for me.  Sunny would tell me about his girlfriend and get clothing advice.  I was the big sister.  I would cook for him, did his laundry (I did all the laundry for the ENTIRE household), sing to him, help him with homework, fight with him and anything else that siblings did, we did.  Dad would brag to his friends about me, the greatest daughter in law in the world.  He would get many compliments about me and he accepted them with pride.  My mother in law always made ugly faces when someone complimented me.  She would get angry at me and the person saying the nice things.  Her go to line became, “On the outside everyone seems like a good person, when you live with them, they are not so good.  When you live with her you will know she is not that great, why is everyone always fussing over her. ” She was becoming very jealous of all the attention their family was giving me, day by day she become her true demon self.

His whole family, (mother excluded) was falling in love with me; I had won almost everyone over in a matter of months! I didn’t do anything except be myself.  I was excited about life, I had so much love to offer with a good clean heart paired with hugs and kisses – what was not to be loved.  When anyone came to the house, I served them chai and food with a smile on my face and true happiness in my heart.  I knew I did all the right things for his family.  How come he still didn’t want me?  Why was he staying out all hours of the night?  How come he only talked to me when he was bored?  I was doing everything right but something was still so wrong!  I was determined to make him want me and love me as his wife.  I loved his family as I loved my own, every bit of me was true, not a malicious bone in my body to this day.  I took over all the cooking and cleaning from his mom in hopes of proving myself to her.  I would prep dinner for him in hopes of seeing him grateful for my existence.  I gave and gave (still giving!) and got shit in return.

The day all the nastiness began was about 3 months into my marriage. I was dressed to attend a wedding reception with him and his family and was feeling pretty good.  I was in the room with my mom and mother in law (mil) when my mil made a remark about a perfect daughter in law.  She had said she knew this girl who would be the perfect daughter in law.  This girl was respectful, domesticated and beautiful to bad Raj didn’t marry her.  She went on to say how perfect she was in every way.  I couldn’t believe my ears!  Too bad Raj didn’t marry her?!?!?  What was I??  How dare she say that too my mom and me!  Needless to say I was in disbelief and hurt.  When I ran into Raj he asked me what had happened, I said nothing and walked away.  I few days later he asked me again what had happened that day, I hadn’t spoken to him in days.  I told him what his mom had said to me and my mom, it erupted into an argument between us.  I asked him:  why did your parents beg for my hand in marriage if she was so perfect, why didn’t you marry your girlfriend, why was your mom so mean to me etc.  He apologized and actually looked like he meant it.

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A few weeks later his mom confronted me about why I had to go tell on her to Raj. She accused me trying to turn her son against her, tearing up the family, what I was hoping by getting them to fight, why I was such a malicious girl, is this what my parents had taught me?  She went on and on about how I was destroying her family.  Just for the record, the brothers don’t speak (been going on for years before my time), mom and dad fought all the time (slept in separate rooms way before I got there), dad wasn’t allowed to breathe without her permission, he was her property.  She was against dad in whatever he said or did; she was rude and disrespectful towards him ALL THE TIME.  Raj and her had an explosive relationship (this started waaay before my time.)  Their family was already a mess and I was getting blamed for all of the wrong. From that day forward everything that was negative was my fault.  When she confronted me all I did was cry and defend myself quietly, it was only 3 months into my marriage.  Raj came around the corner unexpectedly and ripped into his mom defending me.  It became a huge fight!  Words were going back and forth and I was being blamed for every second of it by his mom.  He stood his ground for me, this gave me hope and strength to move forward in my marriage.  Was it really going to be alright?  Maybe there was a place in his heart for me!  That was the first day of many battles he fought for me against his mom.

Venya♥

 

Post Honeymoon

12 days in the Caribbean can make anyone forget their reality, isn’t that what vacations are supposed to do, make us forget our real lives??? This vacation cliché worked on me! Clear blue waters, endless bottles of alcohol, sleeping in, sun bathing by the pool, meals prepped for you and having no schedule helped me ignore the fact I was married to someone that was entirely wrong for me.  The first few days back from our honeymoon went by quickly.  His family was still in town, they wanted to hit all the tourist attractions so we had a lot of sightseeing to do with them.  Real life didn’t kick in until about a month after I was actually married.  During that period his family was still in town, we had many dinners, chai’s and chatter to focus on rather than the issues bothering me.

Raj and I settled in some sort of routine. He would set out for work every day in the morning dressed in a suit and tie and then return some time in the evening.  I would spend time with the out of town guests around meals and other visitors until the dinner dishes were done.  Sometime around that he would come home and hang out with the relatives, other nights he would come home, change and then leave again.  I would always be crushed when he did this.  I knew there was nothing between us but some casual sex but I still had expectations, those expectations nearly killed me.  When he would come home and leave, I always knew where he was going, to see his girlfriend.  My gut told me that she was with him when he wasn’t with me.  I would persistently ask him questions about his whereabouts and he would never answer properly except, with friends.  It broke my heart every time he left me in the middle of his family to fend for myself.  Why couldn’t he just take me along and drop me off somewhere and then just pick me up???  I hated pretending to be happy with his family while inside I was so sad.  I hated that I actually liked his family because I resented him for forcing me stay alone with them while he was out with her.  Many times I went to my bedroom, would have a quick cry, fix my makeup and walk out and join the scene as if all was well.   How come none of the family ever asked him where he was going or to stay and join us or even how about, take your fucking wife with you!  I played house in front of the world but in my head I was so confused as to what to do with my feelings.

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1 month in and I didn’t like what marriage was. He would go to work.  I would cook, clean and entertain for his family all three meals.  He would come home change and at times he would leave again and some days he stayed around.  The days he would leave me I would fall asleep waiting and he would return well into the early morning hours.  I would wake up and ask questions about his life and what’s going on and he would brush me off and the cycle continued day in and day out.  A few times Raj and I had heated exchanges but for the most part we were on our best behaviour because the houseguests were still here and listening to everything.

Once the guests had gone back home is when the real drama started. Him and I started to fight behind closed doors about a variety of issues, we never fought in front of his family nor did I ever let on that I was upset.  His mom was sly from the beginning and that became prevalent issues between us. During your son’s wedding, it’s customary to give gifts to family and friends to your guests.  Some gifts can be quite extravagant.  My dear mother in law wanted to give with extravagance without having to spend any money.  About a week after my wedding she asked to “borrow” a gold set (earrings, necklace and ring) so she can gift it to one of Raj’s cousins.  This set was worth thousands of dollars, it was one of the ones that my parents had given me.  I gave her the set as a good non suspecting daughter in law would do, to this day; she has yet to pay me back.  The following week she had asked for a couple of pairs of earrings she had given me but “forgot” to buy some for the other nieces.  She swindled me out of at least 5k worth of jewellery in the name of love and “helping” her out in a time of need.  I should also mention, she was really upset with me that Raj had got me my own deposit box at the bank.   She had insisted she would “take care” of my jewellery, Raj had said no firmly and went ahead and got me a separate box from her.  She had also started making remarks about my body size here and there.

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He was constantly in and out of the house, without much explanation of his whereabouts. He would sometimes arrange for his friends to entertain me in the evenings.  A few of his friends started taking me out to movies, dinners and coffees because my complaining was compelling him to get me out of the house. I wasn’t allowed to go anywhere without him and I didn’t have a job to even go to.  I had told him I wanted to work and he had shut that idea down.  He wanted me spend the first year of my marriage to get to know his family, so I stayed home for the first year.  He gave me money to spend, so I was never without plus I had turned over all my savings to him in the form of a joint account where he would manage the money not me.  I had agreed to this set up, at 20 years old, I didn’t know any better.  I had talked to my mom and she told me the right thing to do was to amalgamate everything with my new husband, so I did without questioning it.   So now he had taken over the money I had saved (he had no savings), I was put on a weekly allowance(it was enough for me so I never complained), was taken out by his friends once a week(they were fun to be around), stayed home to cook/clean for his family (very demanding and criticized me all the time), didn’t see any of my friends (I moved out of the neighbourhood and they were all going to school),  and I was lonely as one could be.  20 years old married for under a couple of months and I felt like I was married to long.  Basically I had given up everything including my own identity to become a mistress masked as a wife.

Raj and I fought all the time, and then he would at times take me out and buy things for me. As an older person, I now see it as a way for him to keep me quiet about the truth about our life together.  He loved to eat at fancy restaurants; he would buy me nice dresses (his parents disapproved of my dresses) and then take me out once in a while.  I think these were the times that she must have been busy in her life; I was the mistress after all!  On call for his pleasure!!!  I must admit, I did like going out with him because it gave me some sense of importance in his life.  Those times I felt hopeful that maybe I will be able to win him over with my unconditional love.  I knew I was a good person and I had good intentions, isn’t that a recipe for success?  I learned later that is a recipe to get walked all over.  I would complain to my parents about my not so great situation and they would tell me to be kind and practice patience, everything will get better.  I asked my dad to come home and he told me it was too soon and I hadn’t tried hard enough to win him and his family over.  Instead he asked me to reflect and see if I had made any mistakes in caring for him and his family!!!  Umm DAD!!!  HOW ABOUT WE FOCUS ON HIS GIRLFRIEND THAT HE CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT AND HIS GREEDY BITCH OF  MOM WHO CONSTANTLY PUTS ME DOWN AND MAKES FUN OF ME???????

What did I do?   All I knew what to do, cry myself to sleep night after night and hope things would turn around as my parents promised.13183486_1172102602842479_690019116_n.jpg

-Venya♥

Honeymoon

A couple of days after the my big fat Indian wedding we were sitting on a plane on our way to one of the most beautiful places in the Caribbean.  As a daughter in law it hasn’t been that bad being married thus far.  I still feel uncomfortable as I’m trying to fit into a house where no one is mine.  There is family from all over the world at the house which has helped pass the time effortlessly.  Many cups of chai with daal roti came and went but I had still not given myself up to him and nor had he tried to officiate our marriage with sex.

I wasn’t consulted on where to honeymoon but I couldn’t argue with the destination!   Throughout the airport, people who know Indian culture look at my choorah and give me approving smiles.  I feel like a good obedient girl who was doing all the right things.  The plane ride was long and tiring.  At some point him and I had developed some sort of speaking relationship, I started to let him in my life.  We get to our destination and I’m blown away by the beauty, I can’t help myself but smile ear to ear and thank Raj endlessly for picking such an exotic place.  That is where I think our friendship began.  Raj is a planner, he had planned out all 7 days with activities and I was excited to participate in every minute of it.  I was young and energetic with so much to see and do!!!

The sun was shining everyday, with green waters and beautiful people surrounding me, I was in heaven.  For the most part he did treat me well, he encouraged me to be in the water ( I love the water:) ) I had corn rows put in and he took me every single night for the nightly entertainment.  I felt so free there with him, I guess that’s what holidays are supposed to feel like.  I give him full credit for making my honeymoon a success.  The only negative thing that I remember was a comment he made.

He did the things he loved most and didn’t tell me about earlier than now.  He drank and smoked (I’m not a fan of smoking, drinking I don’t mind).  He made calls back home and he watched a lot of TV while I would go out for the day with my new found friends.  At times he would sit poolside with drinks and food as I swam my heart out.  I don’t think it’s not too uncommon for couples to have a separate likes and dislikes or interests.  When I look back in time, even at that young age I was an optimist.  I had grown up making the most of everything, no matter what the circumstances.

We had hired a taxi for the day to take us around.  I was appreciated the beauty of women that particular day.  I think women are the most beautiful creatures and no two are the same so they ALL must be appreciated for the differences.  There was a woman I found very attractive and she was not a size 2, she must of been a size 12.  She had this aura around her of beauty, I was mesmerized by her.  I made a statement about how I thought she was so beautiful.  He responded with she’s too big to be attractive.  He also went on to say that if I ever got as big as her it would be over between us.  I was shocked he would say such a thing about a body.  I was a size 8, I wasn’t small but I wasn’t big either, it was still incredibly offensive as a women to me.  We went back and forth about his comment and he stood his ground about his belief.

I couldn’t believe that he was so superficial like that.  But then I had to remind myself, it’s not like I know him!  I had an arranged marriage to a man who I met 2 times before marrying him AND he had an existing girlfriend while he married me.  Who was I kidding??? But being so young meant I was too naive and gullible, really I was just a child and didn’t know any better.  That comment has stayed with me since it was said, later in life I realized how much truth he was telling, I guess I didn’t think people were that shallow.  So not only did he marry me while he was living with someone else but now I had to worry about my body and what he thought about it???

Little did I know this was just the beginning of the dissection of my body with not only his words but the words of his family.  I made the most of my honeymoon with other people.  I would take my favorite jet ski instructor out into the deep ocean, I would hold on tight to him and my new husband sat on the beach waiting for my return.  I made different friends every night who I would dance away the night with, all  while my new husband watched from a distance.  When life gives lemons you make lemonades!

Some time during the honeymoon we did consummate our marriage, it was nothing special.  For most of the honeymoon I had my period and then it was over giving us the window of opportunity if we wanted it.  It started in a hurried fashion and was over before I was ready for it to be over.  It was just a physical need we both had it made complete sense to engage in sex with each other, we were technically husband and wife.

-Venya

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Night 2 of Marriage

We only spent one night in the hotel room and tonight we are in “our” room. The day has passed by quickly not leaving much time for me to think about our night.  Now its 11 pm the only thing I have to think about is sleeping with him.  The previous night went exactly how I had hoped for.  Tonight should go according to plan.  I’m changing into my new set of PJ’s and thinking how wrong everything is.  I have to sleep with the enemy and for how long?  Will I be hurt by this?  Will my dad let me come back home or do I have to continue to make the best of it?  At that moment the door knob twists and the door opens.  There he is standing before me.  I don’t know what to do, so I say hi like an idiot.

We make eye contact. Not saying a single word to me, he moves closer to me sending my heart into overdrive.  Before I can move away he puts his hands on my neck, fingers in my hair and with one swift move he’s pulled me up close to him.  With the other arm he grabs my hand and puts in on his chest, naturally my other arm follows and holds onto his arm.  His arm is rock solid under his shirt!  I ask him, “What are you doing?”  He smiles, brings his forehead close to mine and says, “I’m trying to get a good look and feel of my new wife.”  Like the cliché, I’m blushing like a new bride.  “You don’t have to hold me so close to get a look at me.”  “You’re right, I don’t have to.  I want to and besides how else can I feel your body if you’re standing to far from me?”  I tried to playfully squirm away from him but he’s got a good handle on me, to be honest, I liked that way.

Before I can say or do anything else he’s kissing me passionately. I have no choice but to respond to his kiss with just as much passion.  Our bodies are pressed up against one another’s as if we are trying to physically go through the other.  He pushes me up against the wall and leans into me; I can feel he is as excited as I am.  I’m trying to play coy but fail, the passion overrides it.  My knees are going weak as he is kissing my neck and shoulders.   Just as I begin to slide down the wall he brings me back up with his mouth on mine.  His tongue is exploring the depths in my mouth while my tongue is trying to match his ferocity.  He tastes like a man should taste like, powerful and hungry.  His hands have been moving everywhere on my body except where I actually wanted to feel them.  I grab him by the wrist and place it on my breasts giving him permission to make me moan.  He is even more excited than before as he plays with my breasts.  He is pushing himself into me while kissing me, feeling my nipples between his fingers.  The sensations in my breasts are bringing out the animal in me.  Lightning bolts between my thighs is sending shocks down every limb in my body.  I grab for his manhood, I fumble to undo his belt then his button and finally I unzip his pants and stop myself.  For a few more seconds I want to be pleasured by him, pure greed.  He then grabs my hands and places it on his naked self, it’s so big!  It throbs in my grip as I am pleasantly surprised by his size.  I want it all for myself and I want it now.  I drop to my knees like a starved vixen.  Without thinking about it, I put him in my mouth tasting him.  His natural smells driving me wild, (take deep breath) I suck it and lick it as was asking me to do so.   I haven’t been this excited to have a man in my mouth in some time now.  He is the one now going weak in the knees, I can feel him relaxing.  He is slowly falling back onto the bed, with him still in my mouth, he lays on his back.  I quickly look up at him, his eyes are closed and his head resting on the pillow, he is in heaven.  It turns me on even more seeing him this way.  My panties are so wet with lust for him.  I stop our moment to take his pants off completely; he comes to and effortlessly removes my clothing as quickly as he can so we can get back to where we left off.

 

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I need him to feel and understand my lust for him. Teasingly I maneuver my naked body over him.  I crawl over him exposing my love cave to him and take his manhood in my mouth again to continue what I stopped.  He throws his head back and goes back to where he was before I interrupted us.  I loved feeling the cool air all over my hot body; it made the touch more heightened.  Stroking and licking him, I enjoyed the hands that had taken over my backside.  He was feeling every curve I had to offer with his hands.  His hands were on my thighs, hips and calves and then I felt him enter me with his fingers.  At his entrance I arched my spine for a split second and then backed up closer to him allowing myself the indulgence.  While he pleasured me with his fingers he slowly pulled me back onto his face, letting his tongue and mouth took over.  I struggled to keep pleasuring him with my mouth, the intensity between my thighs was taking over me. He licked me like I was the tastiest treat he had ever had!  It was like he wanted every last drop of me to be his and only his, his greed turned me even more.  I let out moans while loving his man hood, rocking back and forth over his mouth to take myself over the cliff.  Before I could do so, I felt him throbbing more than before under my hands and in my mouth.  He yanks me off and stops everything before it’s too late.  He knows that I’m disappointed with his abrupt action, with a sly grin, he grabs me and dives in between my legs again, oh absolute bliss!  This time I finish with an unbelievable toe curling orgasm.

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I’m completely depleted of energy but make the effort and reach for him so he can experience what I just have.  He pulls me close and tells me he climaxed with me, my moans, groans and scent were enough for him to reach bliss without being touched.  We cuddle under the sheets, my head on his chest and his chin on top of my head.  He slowly strokes my hair, I feel like a woman should: loved, safe and secure.

 

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Reality Check:  Day 2 of my marriage and sex was yet to be had. We never did have sex that night.  Our time behind closed doors consisted of small talk, me putting on music and him flipping through GQ.  It was strange enough to get under the covers with a stranger as if it was okay, throw sex in the mix and it’s mental.  He lets me pick “my side” of the bed and at some point I fall asleep. I think it was as good as it was going to get for now and I was completely okay with it.  In arranged marriages, how do you have sex with a complete stranger???

 

-Venya♥