Dilemma, Read and leave your thoughts

Hi Everyone!  I’m at crossroads with myself on what to do next.  I need your help in what direction should I be headed in.  When I started this blog, I wanted to write about what had happened to me as therapy and maybe the ones who abused me would read it one day and understand what they did to me.  And for the ones going through it, provide a solace for them that it will be okay.  In my years I have been through WAAAAYY to many hurdles, hence I could literally write a book.  All those experiences have made me very wise, non judgemental and I can relate to almost all experiences and provide advice.

At the moment, I do hide behind a keyboard as I’m still stuck in my situation.  Having said that, there are just a handful of people who know what I’m doing and who I am.  Most are very encouraging and a couple are indifferent and one said why do you want to repeat the ugliness.  This got me thinking, why do I keep reliving it through writing?

A while ago I discovered Abraham Hicks, who repeatedly emphasises about only talking about good things and leaving the past behind if it wasn’t a good thing.   This is law of attraction.  What you feel and talk about is what you will attract – good and bad.  I do believe in the laws of attraction as I DO get what I ask for.   Things do work out for me.  I listen to her almost everyday to get my self in the right frame of mind to make sure I have a great day and it works most days!!!

Question is, do I tell my story that may help empower other women and/or provide them with comfort or as Abraham Hicks says, only talk about the positive things going on and the good things coming my way.  Your thoughts will be very much appreciated!  I will then decide what to write about, the past and all the truth with no filter or just the positive things in life.

Abraham (if your reading this by chance), is talking about your past in a positive way detrimental to my future, am I attracting more negativity?



Day after Mothers Day

Hello!  I woke up this morning tired but extremely grateful.  Mother’s Day was a success.  My kids did the best they could (1 could have done better, not mentioning any names…) with what they have.  It consisted of beautiful wall art and a heartfelt card from one and a mumbled Mother’s Day wish from the other.  I asked the mumbling one, what would happen to your life if I put in that much effort into being a mother to you.   What if I did just the bare minimum?  I don’t think he really cares at this point in his life, I just hope he comes around in his early twenties!  

I am wondering out loud about what the future holds for me as a mother not just as a person.  Once the kids are old enough to move on, how will I keep myself busy.  Will they talk to me, fit me into their busy schedules or even think of me?  This is my fear.  I have put my blood, sweat and tears into these two, will they be grateful?  I don’t do what I do for them for anything in return, but a mom can hope and wish.  I just want them to include me in their lives as some sort of priority.  I know I shouldn’t worry so much, as only time will tell.  I relish these moments and days with them, no one knows what tomorrow holds.

My silent promise to my kids is, I will TRY not to be the needy, obsessive, demanding or controlling with my adult children.  I will try my best to be loving, supportive, nurturing and understanding.  I love being around people, who better to spend your time with then your hand made family?  I don’t ever want to be without my spawns or feel lonely and useless in my old age.  I would like to be a part of their families and to continue these magical moments until my last breath.   At least try to care for half of much as I did for you.

In the meantime I will continue to be the best daughter and daughter in law to my current government.  I do believe, you reap what you sow so.  I need to make sure I sow exactly what I would like to reap one day!