How to teach consent in a nutshell

All this talk about what is and isn’t consent is driving me crazy! What’s all the confusion for?!?!?  I’ve heard some really interesting thoughts on how to figure it out. Really, its quite simple!  This is for men (or women) who don’t understand what consent is and how it feels when you don’t want something or maybe not even know how to stop it.

Put a straight guy in a room full of gay men who find him attractive or just haven’t had sex in awhile. When the gay men approach him or grope him or say things or encourage him “to try” it will be fine, he will get the idea of boundaries and what consent is.  I truly believe this will teach them what it feels like to consent or not to consent.  We can even make it fun for this lesson in consent.  There can be scenarios like lots of alcohol, promotion for a job, revealing clothes (love a hairy chest!), walking in the park/trail, waiting for the bus, at a party with your friends, sleepover at a friends house etc.   Would love to hear the straight mans comments after a couple of these encounters.  I wonder if they would report it to anyone?

A little trick for women to try at home with their men who are confused about consent. Try putting a finger (or toy) up your mans ass during sex, you’ll know at that time they actually understand consent, withdrawal of consent and sexual boundaries very well.  There is no confusion when it’s their bodies but with women’s bodies they don’t understand?  Maybe this can help them figure it out.  Maybe they will like it and they don’t know they would like it or maybe they will do it to make you happy and regret it later or maybe they won’t know how to say no or stop you.  I wonder if they will report it to anyone?

Another idea we can try. Let a straight man drink an excessive amount of alcohol and let a gay man make love to him without sober consent.  When he wakes up to semen on his face and ass full of semen, another man next to him, what will he do?  Will he gather all is clothes and say thanks for a great night or will he run out ashamed or will he want to punch him in the face?  Do you think he will report it?

Just a few thoughts, so tired of this “what is consent” game. This is my suggestion going forward,  put straight men with gay men and they will easily see what consent is all about.  If you have any better ideas let me know so we can share with the world and hopefully figure out this consent thing.

I personally have had my experiences with men who weren’t sure if I consented or not but went ahead anyway.  Would love to see them really learn consent through a practicum.  And no, I didn’t report it… even if I had nothing would have happened in my favor.

Venya♥

Sex Toys for all?

I usually blog about life as me, Venya, but today I’m going to blog about sex.  There are so many stories daily about women, children and few men that are being raped, sexually abused or molested.  I am compelled to give my opinion to the world, you may not care but I’m putting it out there.  I feel I have a solution.

By nature I’m a very sexual person, and I’m not shy to talk about the taboo subject.  Being an Indian girl from a “decent” family I was told not to talk about such things. Today as an adult woman, living my own life I talk and discuss sex freely with like minded individuals.

This brings me to my topic today, sexual abuse/frustration.  Not mine but others.  I will also use India for my examples as it’s my home country.  Most of the articles I come across and read are usually women/children being sexually abused in India.  Some of the victims are as young as 18 months and others are married to the perpetrator.  I have racked my brain as to why sex is so forbidden in India and cannot come to a real conclusion.  Sex is a human need and desire which translates into a beautiful thing when it’s consensual.  I do know that people are very sexually frustrated there and in turn don’t know what to do with themselves so they abuse others sexually.

After talking to some people from India I have come to these conclusions:

  • Everyone is doing it
  • Some are doing it with family members
  • Some are doing it with animals
  • Some are doing it forcefully
  • Some are doing it consensually
  • Some love it
  • Some hate it
  • Some don’t care for it but feel obliged to engage in it to prove their love
  • Most are hiding they are doing it, even the married couples
  • Plenty of people enjoy doing it but won’t speak about it openly
  • Even the ones doing it are pointing the finger at others for engaging in such acts
  • You are punished severely if anyone finds out your doing it before marriage

Of course, people are doing it!  Otherwise the population wouldn’t be so high!  A billion people didn’t fall from the sky!

What bothers me are why are so many people sexually frustrated (that turns abusive) if the country is clearly populated so well?  I think, because no one is allowed to really talk openly about it.

I have a solution, and I would like to hear everyone’s thoughts on this.

Why doesn’t India (or any other country) give out free sex toys as part of a mental and physical health initiative?  I’m not talking oils, feathers and rings.  I’m talk about a vibrator for women and an artificial vagina for the men.  When the urge comes on (and it does, we are mammals)  we should be able to bring out our toy and please ourselves.  This way no man will never be without hopefully less frustrated = less forced sex.  And the women can please them selves as they wish without being labelled or blackmailed for being a human with needs.

Think about it, if a man who is really needing sex can resort to pleasuring himself with an artificial vagina wouldn’t that save some poor child/women’s body/dignity/self esteem?

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I truly feel a system like this will bring down the monstrous behaviour that men are showing towards females/males of all ages.  There is no reason an 18 month baby girl should be raped.  If that man had that handy vagina, he could have had his release in a less destructive way.  If an artificial vagina can save lives, give the men 2 or 3 of them!

Just like birth control should be available and free, vibrators and artificial vaginas should be made readily available at no cost.  It should be available through a Dr.

This may sound insane but I think I’m onto something here.  What do you think?

Venya♥

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#metoo Crippled

I feel like I’m completely crippled by #metoo.  Like a princess in her castle with no escape route.  Daily torture by the king of the castle, it isn’t even good enough for him.  He must see me being broken visibly for him to be able to digest his food and smile.

Broken and shattered with a glimmer of hope.

#metoo is a great movement but how can women of abuse actually be helped?  I’m a #metoo supporter and I’ve been abused so many times that its become my “normal”.  This movement has got me thinking more than ever how to live my life on my terms.  I get all pumped up and then there is my reality.  After the #metoo walks and discussions I go back to the nightmare, my personal hell.  Empowered, liberated and hopeful are feelings when I’m surrounded by those who share my view.  Devalued, hopeless, powerless and sad are what I feel like when I go back ‘home’.  The walks and talks haven’t helped me fix my physical situation which require money.

A modest income, 2 teen kids and bills that would make anyone throw up (on a budget).  How am I supposed to “leave”.  Living and children expenses are holding me hostage in  a home that is killing me slowly!  I’m not even asking for much, I would like to be able to pay for rent with normal expenses that come with living and supporting my 2 teens.  NOT POSSIBLE!  After careful analysis of my income vs my expenses, NOT POSSIBLE.

I have a decent job, with good moral/values topped off with  a love for life served with a forever smile and I won’t be able to make it financially.  Because of the financial need I will have to continue to let him torture, belittle, play mind games and kill me from the inside out.

I have done everything “right” in my life and yet I might have to put my kids on a pull out sofa in a rodent infested home.  Not sure how I ended up like this but could really use a break universe!

I know I’m not as stupid as he tells the kids.  I may not be slim but I know that I’m not as revolting as he convinces me some days.  Useless to him as he points out daily, but I know I’m not.  Others complimenting me, he tells me people always tell the ugly they are pretty to make themselves feel better.  Anyone can cook, it’s not like your cooking gourmet meals – he’s right, I don’t cook gourmet meals but dammit I try almost 7 night a weeks to cook from scratch!

We need a movement that helps all victims who are stuck in awful situations to get out and not have to starve or go on the system.  Yes I can get another job and never be home, who will raise the kids?  Who will see if they are okay if I’m not there?  Kids need parents to raise them not to raise themselves.

Feeling hopeless with no options  happens to many on a daily basis, it breaks us.  We continue to live lives we can’t take anymore but we somehow manage to do so.  We show the world we can, just barely.

What changes can we make world where people don’t have to stay in abusive situations because of money?  Money doesn’t buy happiness but it does buy us the freedoms we need to live a normal life.  Money is very important otherwise millions of people wouldn’t be stuck in shitty situations.

Venya♥